Question: I would like to know what you, Kim, usually do when you are not working as a messenger. Are there some interests in this your human life? I was just freed from most of the desires and things that I had before. I often can’t figure out how to fill the day in a new way.
Answer from Kim Michaels. This answer was given at the 2020 Webinar – Being the Divine Mother.
So the person is saying that: “I have freed myself from most of the desires and things I had before and therefore I often cannot figure out how to fill the day in a new way. I am interested in your experience. One cannot work with psychology or dictations all day.”
And that is true. Well, when I was in my first years as a messenger I actually, especially after I had started the “AskRealJesus” website, I did work on it pretty much all day and sometimes all night. I was constantly, in most of my waking hours, working on new questions and new answers, putting them on the website, doing this, doing that. When I had dictations, I was working on that. And creating the websites and publishing the books and there were also some practical things I had to take care of, filling orders for the books, shipping them out. And of course, the practical things of eating, shopping, heating the house, cleaning up the house and all of these, maintaining the house, and so on.
There are some practical things I had to do. But when I wasn’t working on practical things, I was pretty much working on doing the websites and the books. And that lasted for quite a number of years, but there did come a point where I started realizing that I cannot continue to spend so much time in front of the computer. And it was partly because I think many people do not realize what my work actually consists of.
You can see that even if we have four or five conferences this year, it is only a few days that I travel to a conference and then there are three or four days for the conference where I take the dictations.
Then I go back home. And what I do most of the time at home is I edit and proofread text. I have people who are transcribing the dictations but when they send them to me, they have to be edited and proofread, then they have to be turned into books or they have to be put on the website and so on.
I have spent so much time editing and proofreading text that it came upon me, I started realizing that either my eyes or my brain, they have a limited capacity to do this. And that means that since I moved back to Denmark in 2014, I have started spending more time away from the computer. I have simply realized I need to spend time away from the computer.
What I simply do is I have come to a point where I have stopped having this black and white division in my mind that I had earlier, that certain activities are spiritual and certain activities are not spiritual. To me, everything I do is in a sense spiritual, because my whole life is spiritual. I am on the spiritual path and everything I do is part of my personal growth.
So, it is not so that I think that, when I am working on the books and the websites or taking dictations that is spiritual and when I am taking out the trash or shopping that is not spiritual. The distinction is meaningless to me now.
I have certain things I have always been interested in. I like doing something physical. I like building something. I remodel the house, I refurbish the house, I paint the walls, I build things outside the house, new entrance, roof over the terrace, and this and that. I like doing something that is physical because you see a physical result of it.
Julita and I usually take a walk every day to, or at least most days, to get out there and do some physical exercise. We do a little bit of boating and kayaking. When I was young, I enjoyed boating, I enjoyed building boats so I have some small boats.
Since I am back in Denmark, I grew up in a family of duck hunters, so I have taken that up again, because I wanted to see how I reacted to it psychologically, which has been a very good learning experience for me. But it is also a physical activity, very physical that gets me out in nature in the winter where you normally, because of the weather in Denmark, don’t like to go out.
Some will say that is not a spiritual activity. For me, it is just meaningless to make that kind of distinction. Because whatever you do is part of your spiritual growth and your part of your spiritual path. I would say it is true that you cannot work on psychology all day but in a sense, working on my personal psychology is sort of, and has been for many years, the background of my life.
There is always an undercurrent where, whenever a situation comes up, if I feel a reaction in me, I look at that reaction and I try to see where it comes from. And sometimes there is not an outer situation, I am just walking and some kind of thought or some kind of feeling comes to me and I say: “Okay, so where did that come from? Is there something I need to look at?”
In the last year or so, I have started realizing that sometimes I can have a feeling or reaction come up and it is actually not because I have a certain self, it is a projection from the outside. I realized that many of the thoughts that come into my mind, they are just produced by the mind, they have no real purpose.
I used to think when I was younger, that when a thought came into my mind, I had to accept that thought and I had to follow that thought. And that would create this whole string of associations where, you can sit down to relax and then a thought comes in. And you follow that thought, and it leads from this to this to this. And five minutes later, you realize: “Gosh, I’ve been thinking this whole time, starting with this original thought, my attention has been caught up in this loop.” And it really led to nowhere. So, I have started realizing that more, and I pay less attention to it. So, I have come to a point where, I do not actually always have to be doing something.
So, the question is, now that I have overcome most of my desires, and the things I had to do before, sometimes I cannot figure out how to fill the day. Well, I would say maybe look at the fact that we are brought up, we are programmed in our culture thinking we always have to be doing something, we always have to be active, we always have to be engaged in something. And personally, over the last year I have started questioning this: “Do I always have to be doing something that leads to some kind of result?”
I have described how I came to this experience of dissolving a separate self that probably was my primal self after coming to earth. What I felt, I always had to do something on earth. I had to do something. It had to make a difference that I was here. So, in the beginning years when I was a messenger, I felt I always had to be working. I always had to be working on the websites or the books, doing something that relates to spiritual growth and helping other people and helping the masters and getting the teachings out.
But now, I have come to start to question that. Do I always have to be doing something? Is it not enough that I am sometimes just here, that I am engaged in some kind of physical activity, and I am just absorbed in that activity? It doesn’t have to be that I’m doing something that leads to a particular result or particular outcome. It is like I’ve started getting better at doing what the Buddha has talked about several times where you disconnect your actions from a result. Instead of being focused on the result, you are focused more on the process.
Sometimes, I can actually sit down, and I am not thinking about something I should be doing or could be doing. It does not last very long before something comes and: “Oh, you should be doing this.” But I have gotten better at simply being present, being present in the moment, instead of always either doing something physically or doing something with the mind.
The mind, the linear intellectual mind, its greatest fear is that it becomes irrelevant, so it creates all of these scenarios where you always think if you are not doing something, you should be doing something. You should at least be thinking about what you could be doing. But why? Can we not just be, and be here, and be the open door for the light of the masters in the I AM Presence? This is still having an impact on the planet. But it is not technically what we normally see as doing something.
The other thing I realized is that as spiritual people—you know, the masters have said this several times—when we find a spiritual teaching, even an ascended master teaching, we have a certain level of consciousness. We have a certain mindset, and we transfer that to how we use the teaching. We, in essence, use the teaching to validate this, and I remember, especially when I was a child, when I was a teenager, I had this very strong sense that life should have a purpose. There should be a purpose for why I was on this planet, but I did not know what it was. So, it was a vacuum. I was living in a vacuum.
Then I found Yogananda’s book, which told me there is a spiritual path. I found the Transcendental Meditation movement, which talked about having an impact on the world by meditating. And then I found the ascended masters teachings, which also talked about having an impact on the world by giving decrees. I took that state of mind and felt that it was validated by the ascended masters that part of my purpose in life was to give all these decrees to transmute negative energy and therefore have a positive impact on the world.
I became very obsessive-compulsive about decreeing, and I gave hours of decrees a day. And I had periods where I would get up at five o’clock in the morning and decree for two hours and then go to work or do what I had to do. And then, I would decree for two or three hours in the evening. It became really obsessive-compulsive in periods. When I then became a messenger and started doing this, I transferred this. I always had to be doing something that was constructive, and the only way I could see that was that I was doing some outer physical activity.
But as I said, as I have resolved this self that I felt I had to do something on earth, I realized that it is not just when I am doing something that is supposed to be a spiritual activity that I am having a positive impact on the earth. Because the more I get rid of these separate selves, the more I become an open door for the energies from my I AM Presence. So, whatever I am engaged in, I am having a positive impact on the planet. The same goes for those of you who have resolved these selves.
So we are the open doors for the I AM Presence, for the energies of the masters. And it does not matter really what we are doing on an outer level. You can be reading a book—and I like to read books, I read quite a few books—and you are still having a positive impact on the planet because your mind is an open door for the I AM Presence. You may even be reading a book about a certain topic, and just by you putting your attention on it, energy can flow into it.
You can be doing many activities, and what I have come to realize here is that I used to have this idea—and this goes very far back, probably to my birth trauma—I used to have this belief that I am not on this planet to enjoy life on this planet. I did not come here to enjoy the things that you can do on planet Earth. I came here as a sacrifice because I wanted to raise the planet up and improve the planet. So basically, that gave me the belief that as a spiritual person, I should not be doing something that is pleasurable. In fact, I should feel a little bit guilty if I did something pleasurable and enjoyable.
In other words, I could not allow myself to say: “I would like to do this. I would like to experience what it is like to do this, and therefore, I am doing it.” And it is just as spiritual as anything else. I felt I could not allow myself to do this. I felt—and it was very much reinforced by the culture in the Summit Lighthouse—that I should set aside all of these pleasurable activities, and I should only do what served the masters or what has something to do with my spiritual mission and my spiritual growth. That was all I should be doing. And I did this for many years, and I am not saying it did not lead to a certain growth, but there also came a point where I realized this also has a certain limitation.
There is a limit to how far you can go on the path with this approach. What I have done in recent years, especially after I started working on this primal self and the other selves, is I have said: “But I am on earth right now. There are certain things you can do on earth that you can only do on earth, that you cannot do on a natural planet, and if I have a desire to experience that and enjoy that, why should I not do it? Why is it unspiritual to do this?” I am not talking about harming other people.
But why not? Why is this not a spiritual activity? This means that I can now look at life, and I can say: “Is there something on this planet that I would like to do, like to experience, before I permanently leave this planet behind? And if there is, why is it anti-spiritual to do it, and why is it anti-spiritual to enjoy it?”
I think we, as spiritual people, sometimes we become way too black-and-white in how we look at life on this planet. And we feel that we cannot really allow ourselves to enjoy life, to engage in life and to just do it. It goes for many aspects of life. It could be many aspects of life that we do not feel we should engage in, but I think there comes this point where you realize that you are not doing something because you have some compulsion to do it. You are not having a separate self that drives you to do this activity. So, you are not caught in this spiral of wanting more and more, and it is never enough. You are doing it as part of your process of ascending from this planet, as part of your process of coming to the point where you can say: “I have lived on this planet for a long time, and I have engaged in some of the activities you can do here. I have enjoyed them fully, and I am done with it. And therefore, I am done with life on this planet.”
In other words, it is not just negative that you want to get away from the planet, because I can see that when I was younger, I was driven by the fact that there were so many things on earth that disturbed me that I just wanted to get away from. My main motivation for seeking my ascension was to get out of here, get away from all this nonsense that is going on on this planet. But now, I have come to the point where I have a more positive view of life on this planet, and I realize there are certain activities that have a certain enjoyment. It may not be an ultimate enjoyment compared to what you can have on a natural planet, what you can have when you ascend, but while you are on earth, why would you not engage in life with a positive outlook and enjoy it? When you are not compelled to do it, it is not anti-spiritual; it is not unspiritual.
I think you can allow yourself to say: “What would I like to do on this planet?” Then you do it. You do not feel guilty about it. You do not feel it is unspiritual. You do not feel you should be doing something else. It is almost as if your life becomes spontaneous. Before, a few years ago, I had used the masters’ teachings to evaluate everything I did. Should I do this? Should I not do that? I was always thinking, there was always a thinking process evaluating before I did it whether I should be doing it or not. Quite frankly, that came from a separate self. I see that very clearly now. I could not have seen it five years ago, but I see it now.
Now, there is no evaluation process. If I feel like it, I do it. A few months ago, on one of the first warm spring days, I felt like driving down to the nearest town. I had to go shopping anyway, but I felt like buying an ice cream, and walking out on the marina, and looking at the boats while I was eating this ice cream and enjoying the sunshine. Well, back in the Summit days, I would not have done that because there was sugar in that ice cream, and I should not be eating sugar. But now I just did it, and I just enjoyed it, and I did not feel guilty about it. I do not think it was an anti- spiritual activity to enjoy the spring sun while eating an ice cream. I think you can take a new look at life on the planet based on overcoming these separate selves and allow yourself to enjoy it, to enjoy life, to choose what you want to do, or to let it come spontaneously. It is much more enjoyable.
Copyright © 2020 Kim Michaels