Question to Kim: I wanted to follow up on the question about the cosmic birth trauma and the tension that he experienced. Or at least ask a question that is tangentially related. I have noticed that I have been quite tense lately, there is a lot of pain coming up to the surface. And I can see that there are certain illusions behind them. Like, I can mentally realize it is not true that I am not good enough. But still, there is so much pain associated with this belief. In many practical situations, I make a “mistake”, or have the impression that someone thinks I make a mistake. And it just hurts so much. And I was wondering, have you gone through periods maybe where you for extended periods of time just were aching on the inside? Like there was almost no end to it.
Answer from Kim Michaels. This answer was given during the 2026 Lithuania Conference.
Kim: Yes, I can totally relate. I mean, I had an issue very strongly in my childhood that I would, in certain situations, other situations it did not bother me at all. But there were certain situations where I felt like I had done something stupid, said something stupid, or other people thought I was stupid. Then I would feel very, very embarrassed. Sometimes to the point where I could feel like a physical pain in my heart. And sometimes I would have almost like this Tourette’s syndrome. Or I would say stuff like: “I cannot stand this, or I am tired of this”, or something like that. I would even sometimes say it out loud. Fortunately, mostly when I was alone. I learned to live with it and suppress it. Most of the time I did not feel it. But I still, for the first many, many years of my life, I was always evaluating myself, especially in a group setting. But it was often in a group setting. Let us say I was speaking in front of a group, and I cracked a joke and nobody laughed. I would feel embarrassed. I struggled with that for a long time.
And it was really not until after we got the teachings about the separate selves and the avatars that I started resolving it. Because that helped me see that it was a separate self that was part of my birth trauma, where I felt, after I came to earth and I had this image of the prince on a white horse, and I fell off the horse and fell into the mud, and my image of myself was shattered, and I felt so embarrassed because of that. It was really only when I came to see that it was just a self. I mean, it really did not mean anything.
I guess that first was a phase where you mentally realized that you were looking at an illusion, but it did not click yet because there was still a lot of internal energy associated with it.
Yes, you start by mentally understanding this, you understand the pattern. It is kind of like you have the concepts of a separate self, and it is just an illusion, and you might even see the illusion to some degree, but you have not shifted out of it.
I had done psychological work before. When I did therapy back in the early 90s, I was also working on this, and I had gotten to a point where it was better. I could deal with it better, but it was still there. When I got the teachings about the self, I realized it has to go. It just has to go. But for a long time, it was too painful to deal with it, because obviously I experienced the pain when I put my attention on it.
I honestly cannot even remember how it happened, because it happened very gradually. It probably took several years of dealing with this, and part of the time I would have more intense pain, because the pain came up when I put my attention on it. I, of course, made calls on it for transmuting the energy and this, but there just came a point where it was like something in me let go, something in me broke, and it just was not there anymore. It was just gone. And it is not like I can give you a magical formula, because it will be individual for everyone.
Well, first there was a phase where I realized that I thought everybody else thought I was stupid, and what I did was embarrassing. But I realized that most people probably did not think that it was just me. I was reacting to how I thought these people were seeing me, but they probably were not seeing me that way at all. And also, there was a phase where I realized that this self caused me to think that the entire world was spending most of their time looking at Kim Michaels and wondering: “Is he going to do something embarrassing, because then we can laugh at him.” And I realized that I was not looking at other people to see if they did something embarrassing, because I was too wrapped up in myself, and that was probably the case for everybody else too. Nobody was really seeing me. It was only me that was seeing me. And it just came to a point where I thought, that is kind of stupid, is it not? And that helped me sort of look at it in a little humorous way, because when you can laugh at it, you cannot identify with something and laugh at it at the same time. It just cannot be done.
Can you tell us a joke to see if it is a good one? It was a joke, you were embarrassed to see nobody laugh. Can you tell us a joke, and we will see if we laugh?
But I have just told several jokes. I am just saying that you understand that the pain can be difficult to deal with, but you have to find a way to look beyond the pain, to look for belief. Because you only feel the pain because there is some belief where you are judging yourself, what you should or should not be doing. Can you describe the pain a little bit maybe? What is it that causes the pain?
Well, it is mostly in situations where I feel like I made a mistake. And I did something wrong.
What is the feeling? I mean, if you were to put words on it, like I said, I feel embarrassed. I feel stupid.
Embarrassment is not the word for it, I know. But it is like this aching pain. I just want to get out of here, basically. Or maybe it is the… Where is it? In the body. I guess my core, basically.
You cannot put a word on it or a feeling on it?
No, not necessarily. It just hurts.
Can you somehow put a word on what happens if you make a mistake? What is it that is so bad about you making a mistake?
Well, in the end, it all comes down to me feeling that I am no good. I mean, I did something in the outer that is wrong. And then that probably means that I am no good. Because if I had been good, I would have done the right thing. Or I would have realized what I should have done.
Okay, now you have clarified it a little bit: “I am no good.”
But that is more like a mental understanding of it, I guess, although there is a downward pull.
The pain is because you feel “no good”. Then what you could do is you could try and look at that from different angles. Because if you think about it, you are actually looking at yourself that you should either be perfect or you are no good. There is really nothing in between. I mean, it is sort of a perfectionist issue. And it is a little bit like I said with me coming to earth — the prince on the white horse. Once you have fallen off the horse, you can never get back on it.
I always say you should get right back on the horse. But in your own mind you can never get up because you think you should not have fallen. You should not have made a mistake. And that could be something you carry with you from a natural planet where you never made a mistake. Because everything is just an experiment. You never felt that way on a natural planet. Now you come to earth, and you think: “Oh, you should be able to never make a mistake on earth.” And it is a completely insane expectation. That is not a mistake. That is good because it shows you again that you have this view of yourself that you should be completely perfect. That, I think, relates to why you decided to come to earth. I do not see how exactly, but you could think about that.
I can’t be perfect here, but there is also no need to be perfect.
On a natural planet?
Here. You cannot be perfect here. But there is no need either.
But you still feel there is a need or you would not condemn yourself.
Right. To fill up the gap, I thought that was the summary for me at this point. I can take away from this.
You see what the masters have been saying here. It is just an experience. In other words, in your mind you created this little drama for yourself, where you are either perfect or you are no good, there is nothing in between. And you could ask yourself: “Why did I want to have that experience? What am I getting out of having that experience? And have I had enough of it? Do I want to continue to have it?” Because, you see, this is the magic of the selves again. The self is projecting. But you have to look at yourself this way. There is no other way to look at yourself. Right? And that is why you feel the pain, because it is real: “You did make a mistake, stupid!”. And the self cannot see it any other way. But it is just a drama you have created to have that experience. In other words, what helped me—actually I did this. I went through this where I said: “OK, so I created this self to give me the experience of what it is like to feel embarrassed”.
In other words, it was not the fallen beings who put this upon me by giving me a birth trauma. I created the self. Then I can uncreate it, right? If I have had enough of the experience. But I understand what you are saying, because when I started realizing that I feel embarrassed, I was embarrassed because I felt embarrassed. But you can also come to really see that it is just the serpent swallowing its tail. And you are never going to get out of it. You are never going to get out of it as long as you are inside the self. You can only step away from it and see that it is just unreal, because it is just an experience. There is no natural law that forces you to feel no good. It is just an experience that is only created in your mind.
Congratulate yourself that you succeeded in your experience.
Yes, but see, that is where you have to ask yourself: “Why did I create that experience and why am I continuing to have it?” And then you have to realize what the master is saying. The self is projecting there is some kind of problem you have to solve, something you have to do to compensate.
You have to do something so you can overcome this sense of being no good, because now you have done something good. But that can never happen. You can only just walk away from the whole thing. But I understand that you have to work with it until you come to that point where the Conscious You has basically stepped outside of you, you are looking at it and you are seeing: “Oh yeah, it is just the self. And the sense that I am no good only seems real only when I am inside the self. But when I am outside, I see that it is just a movie projected on the screen. And that is what I saw. I saw that I only felt embarrassed when I was inside. And when I was outside, there was no reality whatsoever to the feeling, it did not matter.
I just realized, it is kind of a control game as well. Because if I say that I made the mistake, I am in control of the situation. I made the mistake, yeah, okay, so maybe that is not nice. But at least it was in my hands somehow.
That then relates to what the masters have said. You come to earth, you have the birth trauma. You are exposed to this. Where the fallen beings manipulate you into a situation where you think you made a mistake. And they project that you made a mistake. And then you decide: “I never want to experience that again.” But what is it you do not want to experience? That something outside yourself put you down and said you were no good. Therefore, if you are ahead of them and you say: “I am no good, you will not be surprised when they do it.” That means ever since then you are trying to anticipate when it is the next time somebody is going to put you down for not being perfect. And if you put yourself down first, the pain is not as sharp. And you can never get out of this pattern because as the masters have also said, you could never again be as shocked as you were the first time. Because it had never happened before. That is why it was shocking. Now that you have been on earth for so many lifetimes and seen what is going on on this planet, you cannot really be surprised about what is happening here.
Maybe a little bit experienced, but you are not perfect, but good enough.
But see, in his mind there is no good enough. It is either perfect or no good. Good enough is not on the scale.
I think I just have a similar situation about my life and maybe to cross this pain here and now, you just, like Kim said, today you step back, step out. You are just not trying to be serious here, not trying to solve right now. And when it comes again, again, “Ah, OK, you come again.” And you step back, you breathe, and then you realize, “Oh, it is in working, you go on with your work in psychology, and if you need some help outside from you, first questions about, you just take step by step, small step at a time, and it is easy, a little bit. It is not, like, a huge difference, but just a little bit it shifted: “Oh, it is not so painful. I think it is impossible to make, like, everything perfect in one leap. Only one small step in one time, one day, and then time after time you feel like: “Oh, OK, you are more, and you are lighter, you are more free about this and that, and it does not put you down as much, because it is, like, big one, but it is, like, complex, I would say.
It is one thing, one time, and then you realize, oh, it is more. You can deal with more, like, directly and not so painful, not so hard to, again, like, come back to this topic you are, like, OK.
Copyright © 2026 Kim Michaels