Foundational teachings on karmic relationships

TOPICS: Karma is not punishment – enduring suffering does not necessarily pay back karma – purpose of universe is to help you grow – part of karma is misqualified energy – part is dualistic beliefs – purify energy and transcend consciousness – karma as a wake-up call – how people make it harder to balance karma – cannot balance karma by suffering – seek to learn the lesson and then move on – karmic relationships – look at your reaction to the other person – soul division part of mental illness – Conscious You has withdrawn – why you are in a karmic relationship – is it time to move on? – you cannot force a person to become whole – mental illness as an excuse for not taking responsibility – you have a right to set boundaries – this is not violating the other person’s free will – many need to learn to be direct – you took embodiment to fulfill your divine plan and help the planet move into a new age –

Question: I would seek a greater understanding from Jesus, regarding the karma my wife has taken on as she battles the mental illness described as bipolar or more formally known as Manic-Depression. I assume this karma involves me as well, for I have chosen to stay by her side through some very difficult times…. Many times feeling so helpless that I had no recourse but to turn my feelings over to God, and have faith that I would be given a higher understanding to the whys of this sometimes crippling illness has come into our family’s lives… we are tired…mentally, and emotionally… but thank God for the spirit…but there is something we are not getting here…I feel it but do not know what… 

During our 23 years together she has been hospitalized several times… sometimes she had to be put into four point restraints and there were times when I did not recognize her, nor did she seem like herself…nor treat any of us as she does when she is herself…loving and compassionate…actually she can become the very opposite at the drop of a hat so to speak…
What can we do to help her, or for her to help herself end these vicious cycles? I know you know Jesus, and I am sorry if I have been weak of late…but I want to move on… unless this experience is building the patience, the perseverance, the faith to do greater works later on… I only wish for a greater understanding so that I can help in the best way possible without ‘enabling’ this condition…which I feel we do in order to keep peace…but this is not right, really. The years and years of going to doctors has not been a great help for they see the condition only worsening with age and believe only drugs will help her maintain a certain degree of ‘normalness’ … which she does take…but they have a up and down effect as well and cause other problems from side effects….
Any insights would be appreciated…

Answer from ascended master Jesus through Kim Michaels:

I appreciate your honesty and openness, and I appreciate a question that touches on so many important issues.

Let me begin by addressing the issue of karma. As I explain elsewhere, it is important for all modern spiritual seekers to understand the reality of reincarnation and karma. If you do not understand how your past affects your present, how can you overcome the past and build a better future? Yet it is equally important to have the correct understanding of karma, and it is especially important to avoid the trap of associating karma with inevitability or with punishment.

Some people have combined the fatalistic eastern teachings about karma with the idea of sacrifice or suffering as a payment for sin. Thus, they reason that if something bad happens to them, the reason must be bad karma made in a past life. And if they only endure the suffering, they will pay back their karma and will eventually be free. This is a dangerous fallacy that has caused many sincere spiritual seekers to prolong their suffering needlessly.

Everything in this universe has one purpose and one purpose only, namely to help you grow. God has no desire to punish you for your past mistakes, and thus it is extremely important to realize the truth that karma is not a form of punishment. Karma is an opportunity to grow, and it should always be approached as such. When you think about it, why would a loving God want you to suffer and how could suffering compensate for the mistakes of the past? God only wants you to leave behind those mistakes, so that you are free to come home to his kingdom.

You made karma by making imperfect decisions, and those decisions were the result of a limited state of consciousness. The decisions generated a certain amount of misqualified energy, and in order to restore balance to the universe the energy must be requalified to its original purity. Before you can permanently ascend to the spiritual realm, you must requalify all misqualified energy you have generated in all of your lifetimes. You must also resolve all dualistic beliefs in your psychology—the beliefs that cause you to misqualify energy. Until that happens, your karma – which incorporates both misqualified energy and unresolved psychology – will act as a rubber band that pulls your lifestream back to earth.

The return of a portion of your karma, therefore, represents an opportunity for your lifestream to be free. This has two elements, namely that you must transcend the state of consciousness that caused you to make the karma and that you must purify the energy.

Overcoming your former state of consciousness is often the most difficult because many people tend to hide from their responsibility to truly change themselves from within. They often focus on the mote in the eye of another rather than seeking the beam in their own eye. In fact, if people have transcended their former state of consciousness before the karma comes back, it will be very easy for them to purify the energy and avoid disruptions in their lives. One might even say that it is only when a person has shown no signs of working on transcending a given state of consciousness that the karma is returned with full force. This is done as a wake-up call to lifestreams who could not be reached in any other way. The returning karma is a last-ditch effort to awaken the lifestream to the need to work on a given flaw in the psyche.

Purifying the energy is a mechanical process that is not difficult to achieve, especially when you have transcended the former state of consciousness and therefore do not misqualify more energy. To transform impure energy, you simply need to invoke high-frequency spiritual energy from above so that it can raise the vibration of the impure energy. This can be done through spiritual rituals, as explained on the Transcendence Toolbox website. Yet much can also be achieved by responding to the returning karma with a positive attitude, approaching it as an opportunity to grow and set things right.

Do you now see the potential for people making things harder for themselves? If they are not willing to transcend their former state of consciousness – and especially if they do not approach life as an opportunity for growth – it is likely that they will not see the returning karma as a wake-up call. They will resist the karma, perhaps seeing it as a punishment or in other ways reacting negatively, which easily becomes an excuse for not looking into their own psychology.

This will cause them so suffer, and by doing so they misqualify energy, which generates more karma and does nothing to purify the energy of the returning karma. Do you see my point? Two wrongs do not make a right. You cannot balance past karma by suffering as a result of the return of that karma. Doing so will only create more karma, which can become a self-reinforcing spiral that takes you further and further away from Christ consciousness.

My point for taking you through this line of reasoning is to show you that it is important never to reason that you have to endure a certain situation for an indefinite period of time because you have karma with a person. It is equally important to avoid the trap of thinking that by suffering you will eventually pay back your karma and be free to move on. On the contrary, you will only trap yourself more firmly in a limited state, often making more karma with the person with whom you have a karmic relationship. The purpose of any situation is to help you grow by transcending yourself. Therefore, do not seek to endure; seek to learn your lesson and move on in consciousness. There is no point in enduring a situation. The whole point is to learn your lesson.

Let me now comment on relationships. The purpose of everything in this world is growth, and this is also the case for relationships. So if a relationship does not lead to growth for at least one of the parties, what is the purpose of continuing that relationship? If the relationship is karmic, the two people have been together in past lives. They made karma with each other because one or both were in a certain state of consciousness. If there is no growth in the present relationship, it is because one or both parties have not transcended the old state of consciousness. Thus, it is likely that the two people will make more karma rather than balance karma. My point for this explanation is to show you that it is a fallacy to reason that a relationship should last a lifetime or that you have to endure a dysfunctional (meaning that there is no growth) relationship in order to eventually balance your karma. It is a fallacy to reason that being long-suffering and patient will automatically balance your karma.

Now, let me make it clear that these teachings should never be used as an easy way out of a relationship. They are not an excuse for an unwillingness to work on yourself in order to make the relationship work. If you are in a relationship that has some difficulty, it is safe to assume that you have karma with that person. And this involves both misqualified energy and unresolved psychology on your part.

Therefore, you should see it as an opportunity to grow. To make use of this opportunity, you must make a sincere effort to uncover the state of consciousness that caused you to make karma with the person in a past life. This is often relatively easy by considering what upsets you the most about the person—although I always caution people to look for the deeper causes behind surface appearances. Ask yourself why the other person’s behavior upsets you so much. What is the psychological mechanism in you that makes you upset. What is the hidden message that you are meant to learn about yourself by seeing your reaction to the other person?

The other aspect of balancing karma is that you respond to the other person with a positive attitude so that you do not generate more misqualified energy, no matter how difficult the relationship might be. If you have honestly done your best to meet these requirements – as the person asking the question clearly demonstrates – then you need to take your considerations to a deeper level.

Let me make some general comments that apply to people who are in a difficult relationship because their partner has a severe mental illness. Any severe mental illness, including bipolar disorder, involves a soul division, whereby something alien has entered the energy field of the lifestream. This can be an outside entity or a pseudo identity created by the lifestream in past lives. I talk about this in the answer about soul division and in the teachings on Schizophrenia and addiction.

However, it is the Conscious You’s responsibility to take dominion over its own force field, so the only reason a foreign entity can enter the lifestream is that the Conscious You has abandoned this responsibility. The reason for this can be very understandable, such as severe trauma in past lives. However, it can also be severe mistakes or a rebellion against God that the Conscious You is not willing to recognize. No matter what the cause, the problem that prevents the lifestream from returning to wholeness is that the Conscious You has withdrawn, has abandoned its responsibility to be in command, and has allowed some other entity to take over, at least some of the time.

What I am saying here is that I have great compassion for people with this problem, yet compassion must not be turned into sympathy, which enables people to continue in their unwhole condition. True compassion becomes a call to action, so that you do everything possible to help the person overcome the state of paralysis and once again take command over his/her own forcefield, thereby ejecting the foreign invader.

If you find yourself in any kind of relationship with a mentally ill person, there can be several reasons for that:

  • You have karma with the person because in a past life you caused the person severe trauma.
  • You have karma with the person because in a past life you were instrumental in the person making a severe mistake.
  • You have karma with the person because in a past life you were instrumental in the person rebelling against God or God’s law.
  • You do not have karma with the person, but you have taken on the relationship in order to give the person an opportunity to grow. You want to help the other person from a motivation of love.
  • You do not have karma with the person, but you have taken on the relationship in order to learn certain lessons you want to learn. You can often get an intuitive feeling for the reason, but it really isn’t that important. Any relationship is an opportunity for growth, and for you that means two things:
  • You have an opportunity to grow personally. You must therefore seek to learn every lesson you can possibly learn from the relationship. This will involve uncovering and healing imbalances in your own psyche that are made obvious by the other person. But it can also involve learning how to deal with other people in order to empower them to grow rather than enabling them to stay the same.
  • The other person has an opportunity to grow. The distinction here is that you cannot force another person to learn a lesson. You can only seek to make it easier for the person to learn. You can do everything possible to present the other person with opportunities to learn. Yet if the other person ignores all opportunities, there can come a point when the relationship no longer serves a constructive purpose. Thus, it can be time for you to move on, and if you are a sincere spiritual seeker, who is honestly striving to learn your lessons, you can intuitively know when that time has come. For help on this, make an effort to attune to your Christ self.

When it comes to being in a relationship with a person who has a mental illness, you should always take the following into consideration. The person is ill because of a lack of wholeness in the lifestream. Yet the cause is that the person has not been willing to take full responsibility for his/her situation and take back the dominion that was lost in the past. You cannot force such a person to become whole. The person can become whole only through an act of conscious willpower. If the person consistently refuses to exercise this willpower, it might be impossible to help the person.

Yet have you done everything possible to help the person come to the turning point of being willing to exercise willpower and take back dominion? Keep in mind that a person who is not whole will use every excuse possible to avoid taking full responsibility and exercising willpower. Such a person will often exercise great willpower in order to avoid using willpower to change his/her condition. In other words, the person will spend a greater effort on defending the excuses for not taking dominion than it would require to actually take dominion. A diagnosis of mental illness, especially given the limited understanding of current science, can become a perfect excuse for not taking dominion. It is so easy to accept the illness as being beyond the person’s control and thus take drugs to numb the condition without confronting the underlying problem.

My point is that if you truly want to help the person, it can be necessary for you to force the person to confront the problem. You can do this in several ways, but they all involve your right to set boundaries for what you can and will live with in a relationship. Depending on the particular situation, it will be appropriate for you to clearly state what you can tolerate and what you will no longer tolerate in the other person’s behavior. You have a right to demand that the person does everything possible, including using spiritual tools not recognized by science, in order to change the condition. You have a right to demand that the person demonstrates a willingness to change and makes an effort to do so.

Yet for this to truly work, it will often be necessary that you do not give the person a way out, whereby the person can avoid taking responsibility and dominion. So you will often have to state that if you do not see a movement towards resolving the problem, including putting a stop to specific behaviors, then you will end the relationship and move on.

I am fully aware that in some cases this will not cause the person to wake up, and thus by taking this approach, you might have to end the relationship. Yet if you have done everything possible to learn your own lessons and help the other person learn his/hers, then this might actually be the best available outcome. Even if the other person does not grow from this, you can move on to other growth opportunities. And in some cases, the direct approach of setting boundaries can be the only thing that can awaken a person to actually dealing with the problem rather than seeking to mask the symptoms.

Some might say that being so forceful is a violation of the other person’s free will. Yet that is a primitive line of reasoning, for the person with a mental illness has already lost his/her free will to the invading entity. You are not seeking to control the other person, as is the invading entity. You are seeking to jolt the person out of the state of spiritual paralysis, so that he/she can once again be free to exercise his/her free will. Furthermore, you have the issue of your free will, which it is your obligation to exercise. If you stay in a relationship with a mentally ill person and never set boundaries for what you will and will not tolerate, then you are suspending your free will.

The other person has already done so, yet if you let that decision cause you to suspend your free will, you will make karma for doing so. You are not responsible for the other person’s choices, but you are responsible for how you let that person’s choices affect your own choices. So be careful that you do not use the other person’s paralysis as an excuse for entering or staying in your own state of paralysis. Never let your ego use another person’s refusal to grow as an excuse for you not growing. You are responsible for your own life, including how you allow other people to affect you.

Let me also say that for many spiritual people, taking the direct approach is exactly the lesson they have come to learn in this lifetime. As I explain throughout this website, you have taken embodiment at a very critical time in earth’s history. We are in a transition from the old age of Pisces to the new age of Aquarius. For this to happen successfully, people need to be awakened to their spiritual potential. Yet many people are not willing to be awakened because that would require them to take full responsibility for their lives and their planet—it would require them to change. Thus, they will often actively resist this awakening, and the only way to awaken them is to be very direct and sometimes provocative. That is why you saw me take a very direct and abrasive approach with the kind of people, such as the scribes and Pharisees, who would not be awakened.

There are many spiritual people who took embodiment at this time precisely out of a desire to help bring about this awakening. Yet they are not fulfilling this role precisely because they are reluctant to be direct with those who are still asleep spiritually. This kind of goes with the territory. If you are a spiritual person, you have great respect for other people and their free will, so you are reluctant to be direct. Yet being direct in order to awaken them to eternal life is not a violation of their free will. It is a necessary step to prevent their lifestreams from being lost.

My point being that many of the spiritual people who have a great role to play in the coming awakening must learn to be direct in order to fulfill their reason for being here. And this means overcoming the tendency to give in to others in order to keep the harmony and peace. In fact, some lifestreams want to learn this lesson so badly that they deliberately take on very difficult relationships in order to force themselves to confront this lesson. Let a word to the wise be sufficient.


Copyright © 2005 by Kim Michaels