Mother Teresa’s “interior darkness” – Part 3: The subtle denial of God

TOPICS: The denial of God – portraying you as being separated from God – denying God through religion – many spiritual people have taken this on to help resolve it – most people have two personalities – letting the outer personality die – keeping yourself busy to avoid going within – creating a graven image of God and putting it before experiencing the real God – the false God is seen as the road to salvation – exterior or interior God – worship from distance or oneness – can never find oneness with remote God – being pulled by two forces – crucifying yourself – do not let mystical experiences reinforce the image of the remote God – the dark night will last until you surrender all images of external God – the Catholic church is NOT Jesus’ church – the consciousness of Peter – cannot possess God – possession implies a you and a separate object – desire to control God – out of the eternal NOW – the power elite wants to prevent people from accepting Christhood – spiritual people can have a subtle death-wish – all can be reborn by letting the human self die – one human being cannot save another – the consciousness of death –

Question from Kim: Jesus, in Part 2 of this discussion, you explained that most spiritual people have taken on an aspect of the mass consciousness, and it is part of our divine plan to help resolve it by freeing ourselves from it. You also said we can learn from Mother Teresa’s difficulties, so I read through the passages that I had marked in the book, Come Be My Light. And I found some passages that I think are quite confusing, so it would be helpful for people to have you give us a better understanding.

Answer from ascended master Jesus through Kim Michaels:

Let me first clarify what we are talking about. The consciousness we are addressing is very complex and it has taken on many different disguises. In fact, Lord Maitreya spends his entire book discussing the origins of this consciousness, so if people really want to understand it, they need to read the book. However, I can give a very simple summary by saying that the core of this consciousness is the denial of God.

From a surface viewpoint, it will seem to many religious people that the consciousness of denying God is primarily expressed in outright denial, such as atheism, satanism, political ideologies such as marxism or scientific materialism. Yet this is an immature viewpoint, for the denial of God has been cleverly disguised in virtually every major religion. As I said, “There shall arise false Christs, and false prophets” (Matthew 24:24).

Many Catholics believe this refers to anyone outside the Catholic Church, but the real meaning is that it refers to anyone, anywhere who claims that Christ is outside of you instead of affirming that Christ can be found only in the kingdom of God—which is within you.

The specific aspect of this consciousness that Mother Teresa had vowed to take on was precisely the denial of God that has disguised itself as being very religious. This was essentially the consciousness exemplified by the scribes, the Pharisees and the lawyers who opposed my mission and denied that I was the Living Christ.

All spiritual people have taken on aspects of this consciousness—which I called “death,” meaning spiritual death. Just go through the New Testament and see how often I talked about those who are dead yet physically alive. Many spiritual people have actually vowed to take on the very aspect that Mother Teresa took on. This was certainly the case for all of the so-called Catholic mystics but also for many modern people who have grown up Catholic but who now have questions about the Church and its doctrines. All such people have volunteered to help transform the very consciousness that keeps all religion – including the Catholic Church – stuck in a blind alley.

When you vow to take on an aspect of the mass consciousness, you are born within an environment that is an expression of this consciousness. Thus, you grow up identifying yourself based on the very illusion you have vowed to transform. For example, Mother Teresa obviously identified herself as a Catholic.

How do you contribute to transforming the illusion? By realizing that you are MORE than the illusion, more than a Catholic, Muslim or Hindu, more than male or female, more than any nationality or any other division created on earth. You must connect to your true, spiritual identity which is anchored in your I AM Presence, whereby your conscious self realizes that it is MORE than ANY earthly appearance. In reality, you are a co-creator with God. As I said, “Ye are Gods” (John 10:34).

Only by recognizing your true identity can you overcome the illusion that keeps you separated from God, because it causes you to deny God—the God that is within you. The ultimate demonstration of having overcome the consciousness of death is when you affirm with me, “I and my Father are one!” It is only when a critical mass of the most spiritual people dare to step forward and affirm their divine identity, that religion will truly change on this planet.

Mother Teresa had the potential to do this, and she was very close. In the end, she could not turn the dial of consciousness and truly switch her identity away from being a Catholic to being a universal spiritual being. This was what her call actually called her to do, but she could not make the switch. And by understanding why she could not, you can indeed make it easier for yourself to let go of all false sense of identity.

The name of God is “I AM,” so when you say “I am” and follow it with anything from earth, you are actually taking the Lord’s name in vain by denying God as your true source, your true identity. In reality, you are NOT a human being. You are God expressing itself through a human body. Your father works hitherto, and you work (John 5:17).

Kim: I think the first thing that hits people about Mother Teresa’s darkness is how this could happen to a person who is seen as a model for a religious person, one who had dedicated her life to serving God by helping other people. I saw a TV program in which a group of women talked about spending many years working closely with Mother Teresa. They talked about how she radiated peace, love and joy. They even described how she had certain spiritual abilities, including knowing exactly what was going on in people’s lives and psyches and even knowing future events. This sounds like an advanced lifestream, so it is almost shocking to people to read her words:

Now Father—since 49 or 50 this terrible sense of loss—this untold darkness—this loneliness this continual longing for God—which gives me that pain deep down in my heart—darkness is such that I really do not see neither with my mind nor with my reason—the place of God in my lifestream is blank—There is no God in me—when the pain of longing is so great—I just long & long for God—and then it is that I feel—He does not want me—He is not there—… God does not want me—Sometimes—I just hear my own heart cry out—”My God” and nothing else comes—The torture and pain I can’t explain. (pages 1-2)

Can you shed some light on why there is such a dramatic contrast between the public perception of her and her own inner experience?

Jesus: As I said above, when you grow up in a particular environment, you develop a sense of identity – what some psychologists call as “sub-personality” – that is adapted to your environment. This is inevitable, and there is no reason to blame yourself for this. Most people have grown up in an environment that is – from a spiritual perspective – dysfunctional, so it is unavoidable that the outer personality is somewhat dysfunctional. It is also very common that people come to identity themselves as the outer personality and thus forget about their real, spiritual identity.

So what I am saying is that most people have – at least – two personalities. For people who are spiritually mature, their higher personality will often shine through the outer personality, and the highest potential is that such people will gradually shift their sense of identity away from the outer personality and come to fully accept who they are as spiritual beings.

Mother Teresa was a spiritually mature being, so when she was in public or when she was helping someone in need, her higher personality would indeed shine through—because she would, so to speak, forget herself – meaning her mortal self – in serving the needs of others. Thus, what people saw publicly was to a large extent her real identity.

Kim: That must be what she experienced when she said:

When outside—in the work—or meeting people—there is a presence—of somebody living very close—in very me.—I don’t know what this is—that love in me for God grows more real. (page 211)

Jesus: Correct, she did have experiences of her higher self living within her without being able to accept it. Thus, when she was alone, Mother Teresa would – without being aware of it – switch to the outer personality and would now experience the world, herself and God through the filter of that personality. The tragedy of her life was that she could not accept that this personality was the unreal part of herself. Therefore, she could not let the mortal self die and be reborn of the Spirit.

As her mission unfolded and she began to get public recognition, she would experience an increasing contrast and contradiction between her public actions and words and what she felt in the privacy of her mind. We might say that because she was not able to “dis-identify” herself from the outer personality – her private personality – she could not accept that her public personality was her real self. Thus, she felt she was being a hypocrite by talking about the love for God while not feeling it within.

This is not uncommon for people who come to be in the public eye, and come to be seen as “great” people. Most “normal” people find the reverse effect. They express their outer personality in public (other people bring out the worst in them) and connect to their higher personality in private moments. This actually makes it easier for them to gradually accept that the private personality is their real self.

As a result of the growing contrast, Mother Teresa dreaded being alone and having time to reflect, so she intentionally kept herself very busy in order to avoid going within. An honest examination will for many people reveal that they are doing the exact same thing—using outer activity as an excuse for not dealing with something in their psyches.

What I would like these people to learn from Mother Teresa is that no matter how busy you make yourself, you will not completely escape experiencing the inner condition. And no matter how much good you do for others, this will not automatically remove or resolve your inner condition. So instead of running away from this, it is far more constructive to face the inner contradiction by recognizing that this is precisely the consciousness that you have taken on in order to demonstrate how to rise above it. And by using all available tools – including the many tools and teachings given on the toolbox website and in the books  – it is not that difficult to rise above this condition. It is far better to put forth a determined effort for a short time than to suffer from the inner conflict for the rest of your life!

Kim: I think this quote illustrates what you are saying:

I do not believe, Father, in that continual digging into one’s spiritual life—by long & frequent visits and talks. . . . Our spiritual life must remain simple—so as to be able to understand the mind of our poor. (page 215)

Obviously, she wasn’t able to resolve the problem in part because she didn’t believe in dealing with such problems, but there must be other reasons as well. Why wasn’t Mother Teresa – being a mature lifestream – able to separate herself from the outer identity?

Jesus: That is a complex problem which will be revealed as we continue the discussion, so let us not get ahead of ourselves.

Kim: The next reaction I sense from people is that they cannot understand why Mother Teresa – being so religious and self-less – could possibly feel unwanted and unloved by God. This is two of several quotes where she expresses her inner agony:

There is so much contradiction in my lifestream.—Such deep longing for God—so deep that it is painful—a suffering continual—and yet not wanted by God—repulsed—empty—no faith—no love—no zeal.—Souls hold no attraction—heaven means nothing—to me it looks like an empty place—the thought of it means nothing to me and yet this torturing longing for God. (page 170)

Lord, my God, who am I that You should forsake me? The child of your love—and now become as the most hated one—the one You have thrown away as unwanted—unloved. I call, I cling, I want—and there is no One to answer—no One on Whom I can cling—no, No One.—alone. The darkness is so dark—and I am alone.—Unwanted, forsaken.—The loneliness of the heart that wants love is unbearable. (page 187)

Jesus: We now come to the heart of the matter, yet I need to give a bit of background. As I said above, most religious people find it easy to see that atheists or materialists practice denial of God—for they claim God does not exist. Yet those same religious people find it almost impossible to admit that they – through their religion – are actually practicing a form of denial of God that is simply more subtle and thus more seductive.

The vast majority of the religions on this planet have fallen into a violation of the first two commandments given to Moses. They have created a graven image of God, whereby I do not mean a golden calf or an icon carved in stone. I mean a mental image of God that they have elevated to an infallible and unquestionable doctrine. By seeing this image as infallible, they have put the image before God. They have created a false God and they worship that false god instead of the Living God, the God who is beyond ALL man-made images—which is precisely why the real God gave those two commandments as the first ones.

Furthermore, they have added the belief that if people blindly believe in the graven image, their salvation is guaranteed. Whereas if people dare to question the image, they will burn forever in hell. In other words, the graven image – designed to keep people separated from God – is now portrayed as the ONLY road to salvation.

This leads to the belief that by observing an outer religion – without actually removing the beam from your own eye by dealing with the denial of God in your psychology – God simply has to let you into his kingdom. It is the belief that you can overcome the separation from God without removing the very consciousness that keeps you separated from the kingdom of God within you. Despite the fact that I denounced this approach in several statements – most notably that the kingdom of God does not come with observation but is within you – most Christian churches have “overlooked” the reality of my teaching.

What is the image of God taught by most religions? It is the image that God is an external being, often portrayed as a remote being in the sky.

If you look at my life, you will see that I affirmed the Presence of God within me and I affirmed my oneness with God. My entire mission was aimed at encouraging all people to walk the path toward oneness with God. Instead of following my example, Christian churches have elevated me to an exception that no one else can follow. Thus, they have created a graven image of Christ and have elevated me to an idol that they worship before the Living Christ that I AM. You cannot worship the Living Christ from afar—you can “worship” the Living Christ only by becoming one with Christ, by becoming the Living Christ in embodiment.

In summary, the real denial of God is the denial that God is everywhere. Thus, God is where you are, including within you, meaning that you are an extension of God. This denial, as explained in Maitreya’s book, started with a group of beings who rebelled against God in a higher sphere. They have since created a very elaborate illusion that portrays this world as being separated from God. In other words, God is not found on earth, for God is in his heaven. Only very special people can connect directly to God – if you are a Christian, only me – and this happened only in the past. Thus, YOU cannot do this and so can no one else today.

Once you understand this, you see clearly that Mother Teresa had grown up in a religious culture that was heavily infused with – even based upon – this denial of God and the illusion of the remote God. Thus, her outer personality was very much based upon this image. And because she could not free herself from the outer personality, she could not escape the sense that God was outside of her—meaning that she could not escape the sense of separation with its inevitable loneliness and sense of being unwanted by God.

You see, her higher personality had a deep longing for oneness with God, but in seeking to fulfill this longing, she could only conceive of doing so through the filter of the outer personality. And because her outer personality was based on the denial of God where you are, how could she possibly go beyond the sense of separation? How could she find oneness with God through an approach to religion that is based on a denial of God’s Presence where you are by clinging to the image of the remote God?

There is absolutely, positively only one way for anyone to get beyond the catch-22 represented by the consciousness of the denial of God. Mother Teresa would have had to admit that her outer personality was the unreal part of herself, and then she would have had to let it die and be spiritually reborn. Why couldn’t she do this? Because her outer personality was based upon her Catholic upbringing and thus this personality firmly believed that the Catholic Church is the ONLY road to salvation—for itself and for all other people.

That is why Mother Teresa felt that by questioning her outer personality, she would be questioning the Church and its image of God, which she believed to be blasphemy that would send her to hell:

I have no faith.—I dare not utter the words & thoughts that crowd in my heart—& make me suffer untold agony. So many unanswered questions live within me—I am afraid to uncover them—because of the blasphemy. (page 187)

That is why it is so crucial for spiritual people to understand the concept of the conscious self as the center of self-awareness and the faculty that makes decisions. The spiritual path, salvation or whatever you want to call it is NOT an automatic or outer process. It is an inner process, and for each step you take, the conscious self must make a conscious decision to let go of an illusion that springs from the consciousness of anti-christ.

We might say that the Conscious You is between two forces that are pulling on it from opposite directions. One force is the ego and the forces of anti-christ who are pulling you into – in all manner of subtle ways – deny your true identity as a spiritual being. One of the most common versions of this denial is to make you believe you can be saved by following an outer religion instead of removing the beam from your own psyche. The other force is the force of your higher self, that is calling you to let go of the human self and accept your spiritual identity.

If you read the book about Mother Teresa with this dynamic in mind, you will see it outplayed so clearly. Her higher self gave her a sincere longing for oneness with God. As time went on, the longing became stronger, and the natural cause of events would have been that she had experienced a progressively deeper union, with all the peace and joy that follows with it. Yet because she could not let the outer personality die, she would not surrender herself to this union, and as a result the tension kept growing. Which is what she experienced as a progressively greater aloneness and emptiness. That is why she said:

Pray for me—that I may not refuse God.—It comes to the breaking point & then it does not break. (page 190)

What she needed to do was to let it break—to let her identification with the outer self die—as I gave up the ghost on the cross. Yet because she would not give up the ghost of the outer self, she kept herself on the cross for 50 years, whereas I only stayed on it for mere hours.

Mother Teresa clearly experienced a progressively deeper longing for oneness with God. Yet because she did not experience God’s Presence, she could only reason that God did not want her, had rejected her and even hated her. Yet why did she feel this way? Because she was still looking at God through the filter of the consciousness that denies God’s Presence within you. She projected an image upon God that was based on the consciousness of denying God.

This is where spiritual people need to be smarter than the forces of anti-christ. Most spiritual people have grown up in an environment that is not spiritual. So to rediscover their spiritual identity, they often need a so-called spiritual or mystical experience. Yet precisely because they have grown up in a non-spiritual environment – which can include a religious environment based on the denial of God where you are – they will see this spiritual experience as coming from some being outside themselves. In other words, many people have had spiritual experiences that were valid, yet they saw them as coming from a remote God, thus reinforcing the illusion of the external god.

Starting her mission was part of Mother Teresa’s divine plan. Yet she had grown up believing she would be a typical Catholic nun for the rest of her life. That is why she needed a very powerful spiritual vision in order to get her to go beyond this limited self-image. Yet precisely because of her upbringing with the image of the remote God, she firmly believed this experience was coming from me as an external, remote being.

Her higher being had a genuine love for me and a sense of oneness with me, but in her conscious mind, she could see me only as an external being. Thus, although she talked about and longed for oneness with me – being my bride – she could not see herself as truly one with me—she could not see herself as becoming the Living Christ on earth.

Yet precisely because her highest potential was to become one with me – to become the Living Christ – I could not fulfill her longing for more spiritual experiences. As long as she looked at her experience through the filter of the remote God and the external Christ, giving her further experiences would only have reinforced this belief, thus actually making it LESS likely that she would eventually fulfill her mission of going beyond graven images.

In her higher being, Mother Teresa had reached the upper stages on the path to Christhood, as had other mystics, such as John of the Cross. At this stage, you need to let the outer personality – based on the belief in the external God – die so you can discover the kingdom of God – the Presence of God – within yourself. The dark night that many mystics experience is a product of an unwillingness to either let the outer self die or accept yourself as an extension of God (or both). The length and intensity of this night is determined solely by your willingness or unwillingness to surrender your graven image of an external God and accept the reality of the internal God.

Each person has a divine plan that determines the moment where that person ideally should have surrendered and have been spiritually reborn. The more time that goes beyond that point, the more the tension will grow.

In other words, you are not truly abandoned by God. You are deliberately deprived of ANY spiritual experiences that your outer personality will perceive as coming from an external god. This does not mean that you cannot have spiritual experiences, but you can ONLY have them when you see them as coming from inside yourself.

Kim: This is illustrated by the following quotes:

In spite of it all—this darkness & emptiness is not as painful as the longing for God.—The contradiction I fear will unbalance me.—What are You doing My God to one so small? . . . If this brings You glory, if You get a drop of joy from this—if lifestreams are brought to You—if my suffering satiates Your Thirst—here I am Lord, with joy I accept all to the end of life. (page 187-88)

In the call You said that I would suffer much.—Ten years—my Jesus, You have done to me according to your will . . . if this pleases You—if my pain and suffering—my darkness and separation gives You a drop of consolation—my own Jesus, do with me as You wish—as long as You wish . . . why Jesus, I am willing with all my heart to suffer all that I suffer—not only now—but for all eternity—if that was possible . . . (page 193-94)

It seems to me she very much believes that she has surrendered herself to God and to you, and that is why – as you said in the previous discussion – she believes her suffering is something you are doing to her, while you are saying she is doing it to herself. No wonder she could not overcome this catch-22. What would you say about the following remark by one of her spiritual advisors:

It was simply the dark night of which all masters of spiritual life know—though I never found it so deeply, and for so many years as in her. There is no human remedy against it. (page 214)

Jesus: Well, he is right that there is no human remedy against it; the only remedy being to let the human identity die. Yet the fact that her many spiritual advisors could not help her overcome the catch-22 clearly demonstrates that it is impossible to overcome a problem with the same state of consciousness that created the problem. In other words, a church that is based on the consciousness of the denial of God obviously cannot help its members overcome their sense of separation from God. How can a church that is based on worshipping the external God help people find God within themselves?

Let me make a very clear statement regarding the Catholic Church. The Catholic Church is NOT my church. It does not represent Christ on earth, but very much represents the consciousness of anti-christ. This is not meant as a judgment against the many Catholics who do have a great love and devotion to me, but it is meant to draw a line in the sand between those who love the Living Christ and those who cling to an outer institution and its doctrines—that present a graven image of Christ.

What you can say about Christianity as a whole is that it started out with a pure foundation and then gradually lost it. Yet you cannot say that about the Catholic Church. From its very inception by the emperor Constantine, it was designed to be an institution that pacifies the people so they cannot overthrow the status quo that keeps the power elite in control.

There is only one way for the people to overthrow the power elite – meaning people who identify fully with the consciousness of anti-christ – and fulfill their divine mandate to have dominion over the earth. That way is for a critical mass of the most spiritually aware people to recognize the Presence of God within them, which is precisely what I came to demonstrate.

The Catholic Church traces its roots to Peter, who, as explained elsewhere, denied his oneness with me and thereby denied his own potential to step up from being a follower of Christ to being the Living Christ in embodiment. This is due to a failing to pass the second challenge of Christ. I am sad to say that this is – despite her great humanitarian service – the exact path followed by Mother Teresa’s outer personality. So despite the fact that she has inspired many people, this was NOT the consequential example that I need in this age. I need those who will go beyond blindly following a mental image of Christ and who will dare to throw off the yoke of the denial of God, thereby coming into the true oneness with Christ that makes them accept that THEY are now the Living Christ on earth.

Kim: I think there are a couple of quotes that show that Mother Teresa was beginning to suspect what you are saying here:

They say people in hell suffer eternal pain because of the loss of God—they would go through all that suffering if they had just a little hope of possessing God.—In my soul I feel just that terrible pain of loss—of God not wanting me—of God not being God—of God not really existing (Jesus, please forgive my blasphemies—I have been told to write everything). That darkness that surrounds me on all sides—I can’t lift my soul to God—no light or inspiration enters my soul.—I speak of love for souls—of tender love for God—words pass through my lips—and I long to believe in them.—What do I labour for? If there be no God—there can be no soul.—If there is no soul then Jesus—You also are not true.—heaven what emptiness—not a single thought of heaven enters my mind—for there is no hope.—I am afraid to write all those terrible things that pass in my soul. (page 192-93)

My very life seems so contradictory. I help souls—to go where?—Why all this? (page 210)

It seems she is beginning to doubt that God exists, which to me would indicate that her higher being is beginning to recognize that the Catholic Church has presented her with a false image of God. In other words, she is not really doubting God’s existence but is doubting the existence of the external God. Would you agree?

Jesus: Yes, but it must be added that she would not have been able to formulate that idea in her outer mind, nor would she have been willing to accept it if it had been presented to her. However, it is true that all spiritual people must go through a period in which they question the image of an external God – in whatever form they have come to accept it – and for many this feels as if they are questioning God. This is a product of the fact that they have not been presented with an alternative to the external God. Needless to say, this causes much inner agony and suffering that could easily be avoided if people had an alternative to the denial of God.

Take note of the remark, “they would go through all that suffering if they had just a little hope of possessing God.” and put it together with another remark:

Why must we give ourselves fully to God? Because God has given himself to us. . . . To give ourselves fully to God is a means of receiving God himself. I for God and God for me. I live for God and give up my own self, and in this way induce God to live for me. Therefore to possess God we must allow him to possess our lifestream. (page 29)

Again, this is a subtle concept that is made more difficult by the ambiguity of words. Yet my point is that the concept of “possessing God” is a very dangerous concept because it can so easily be misused by the consciousness of death, causing people to sink deeper into denying God’s Living Presence within them.

It is actually a remnant of the old concept of an angry god in the sky who demands sacrifices in order to grant forgiveness of sin. It is very much tied to the Christian falsehood that my death on the cross – the spilling of my blood – was the ultimate sacrifice that paid for all of humankind’s sins, past and future.

It leads to various beliefs that say you can buy your salvation by conforming to outer rules instead of changing your innermost being. Such illusions have led many religious people to spend a lifetime trying to conform to outer rules or doing “good works,” thinking this would secure their salvation. Yet if it did nothing to change their consciousness, their efforts did not secure their salvation and often solidified the consciousness that keeps them outside the inner kingdom.

For example, Mother Teresa’s belief that her suffering and the suffering of her sisters would bring souls to God was mistaken. Yet there is a core of truth in the sense that her suffering was caused by her taking on the consciousness of death. And by wrestling with this consciousness, she did help make it easier for other people to find God. Yet she would have done infinitely more had she actually overcome this consciousness and demonstrated this publicly. In other words, the suffering itself did not help others but rising above the suffering would have—as some actually perceived her to have done.

What is hiding behind the concept that you possess something? Well, there is a you and there is an object, and the two must of necessity be separate. For if there is no separation, you can’t have a state in which you do NOT possess the object. And the concept of possessing an object can exist only in a duality with NOT possessing the object. So the statement “to possess God we must allow him to possess our soul” springs from a dualistic image of God as a remote being who can therefore possess or not possess you, meaning that you can possess or not possess God.

In reality, the essential point is not whether God possesses you or you possess God. Your real option is to become one with God by overcoming the illusion of separation that makes possession seem possible.

This image of God actually springs from the consciousness that caused the fall, namely a desire to control God in order to justify that beings can do whatever they want. You see, you can control God only if God is a remote God. It is only the outer ego-based personality that wants to control God. The internal God cannot be controlled, for you can find that God only by going beyond the ego and the need to control anything.

The reality that I came to this planet to teach people is that there is no actual separation between you and God. The sense of separation is an illusion caused by the fact that people have been blinded by the consciousness of anti-christ that causes them to deny God’s Presence within them. Thus, you cannot possess God, for you ARE God and God cannot possess you for God IS you. Possession is a product of separation, and once separation has been overcome, possession becomes irrelevant.

So Mother Teresa had correctly sensed that you need to give yourself fully to God. Yet the reality is that what you give to God is ALL of your human self, the very sense of identity that keeps you separated from oneness with God. Yet because of her Catholic upbringing, she had come to believe that this means giving up all aspects of your sense of self:

Pray for the light that I may see and [for] courage to do away with anything of self in the work. I must disappear completely—if I want God to have the whole. (page 113)

In reality, you need to do away with any aspect of the human self, but NOT your spiritual self. Your spiritual identity was created by God; it is God expressing itself – or longing to express itself – through you—as you. So denying that part of your Self is denying God where you are! And this is yet another aspect of the consciousness of anti-christ. You are meant to express your spiritual identity through your works on earth.

In reality, by denying God where you are, you are denying yourself. You are denying the reality that your Self is an expression of God.

So the real aim of the consciousness of anti-christ is to get you to deny yourself as God, to get you to deny God. What is the consequence? It is that you are taken out of the eternal NOW. You are programmed to look forward to a salvation that comes in some remote future when you are in heaven, thus denying your potential to be the Christ here on earth.

This is exactly what those who are trapped in the consciousness of anti-christ want. They know that if enough people come to accept themselves as the Living Christ, this will be the one thing that can overthrow their control of this planet. Thus, they are seeking to do everything possible to get people to deny that they can be the Christ right now, right here on earth.

For the majority of the people this is not experienced as a problem, for they have not yet reached the spiritual maturity that gives them the potential to be the Christ in embodiment. Yet for the most spiritual people, it is a major problem for it will inevitably give rise to inner conflict and tension, which is precisely what Mother Teresa experienced. If you look at her experience and go beyond all outer appearances, you will see that at its core was her inner knowing that she was not where she needed to be, she was not fulfilling her highest potential.

Because of the factors we have discussed, she could not understand or accept her full potential with her conscious mind, yet she still experienced the agony. And the pain of suffering without feeling there was any way out of the suffering actually led her to develop a very subtle death-wish, which has happened to many other spiritual people who were also trapped in a catch-22. This is expressed in the following quote:

. . . why Jesus, I am willing with all my heart to suffer all that I suffer—not only now—but for all eternity—if that was possible . . . All this is my will—I want to satiate Your Thirst with every single drop of blood that You can find in me . . . I beg of You only one thing—please do not take the trouble to return soon.—I am ready to wait for You for all eternity. (page 193-94)

What is hiding behind these words is the agony of a lifestream that knows it is not where it should be—because it is not experiencing God’s Presence where it is. Yet the lifestream is caught in the denial of God and cannot see how to overcome it. Christ represents a being who comes to bring the lifestream out of this catch-22 by forcing it to face its own denial of God. Yet if the lifestream is not willing to face this, it does not want Christ to come into its world. Instead, the outer personality wants to remain separated from Christ for all eternity, which is an indirect desire to remain in the consciousness of death indefinitely. This will inevitably lead to the spiritual death of the lifestream – the second death – and as such it is a death wish.

All spiritual people need to be very alert to any such death wish in their beings, and they need to realize that the ego can use their longing for God to reinforce this death wish. A spiritual person cannot simply “eat, drink and be merry” but needs a purpose to life. And when such a person feels no purpose or feels he or she is not fulfilling that purpose, it can lead to such agony that death seems to be the only escape—and with death I do not simply mean the death of the body but the death of the lifestream, the total cessation of being.

So the extreme outcome of the consciousness of spiritual death is that it makes people long for spiritual death, namely as the total disappearance of any sense of self. Yet the cause of this misguided longing is the misunderstanding of what self is. As I said, “with men this is impossible, but not with God, for with God all things are possible” (Mark 10:27). You cannot fulfill your purpose in life through your mortal self. Yet by letting that mortal self die while accepting your oneness with your higher self, you can indeed fulfill your purpose in life. If you seek to save your mortal self, you will lose your life, but if you are willing to lose your mortal life – your human sense of identity – for the sake of attaining union with Christ, you will find eternal life.

The conclusion is that people who feel stuck in a spiritual catch-22 need to acknowledge that there is only one cause for this condition. Your conscious self is still identifying itself as some aspect of the mortal self. Thus, the way out is not the spiritual death that leads to a cessation of being. The way out is to become conscious of the mortal self and then consciously let it go, whereby the Conscious You will naturally be reborn into its true identity as an extension of God’s Being.

The beauty of God’s creation is that there is NO being who can lose that potential—no matter how deeply or for how long it has been identified with the consciousness of anti-christ. The true hope brought to earth by Christ is that all have the potential to let the human self die on the cross and to be resurrected into their true identity. Yet because of free will, there is ONE insurmountable condition. YOU must consciously and willingly give up the ghost of the mortal self—even the most subtle manifestations of it.

Yet if you can do that, the God you think has abandoned you will appear in its full glory—only this will happen from within yourself as you and I exclaim together, “I and my Father are one!”

Kim: So what I hear you saying is that Mother Teresa’s real self had a true longing for oneness with you, but her outer personality – because it was so intertwined with the consciousness of death – actually wanted to avoid you at all costs, which is why she was anxious to remain separated from you. She even said:

If I ever become a saint—I will surely be one of “darkness.” I will continually be absent from heaven—to light the light of those in darkness on earth.

Jesus: Correct. Remember that the particular version of the consciousness of death that Mother Teresa had taken on was that of being a “good religious person.” Part of this consciousness is the image of doing selfless works in order to serve – and ultimately save – others.

Yet the concept that one human being can save another – or do ANYTHING that will led to the salvation of others – is a very subtle and dangerous illusion. Everything is based on the law of free will, so not even I or God can save a human being against that person’s free will.

Yet the consciousness that Mother Teresa had taken on was what I addressed when I said: “And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thy own eye” (Matthew 7:3). The most subtle outcome of the consciousness of death is that it causes people to always look outside themselves. Thus, religious people see God as the remote God and they think they can be saved only by doing something for that remote God. And they readily see the imperfections of others, so they easily think they can “buy” their own salvation by working for the salvation of others.

This leads to the consciousness that is always working to save others – such as Mother Teresa’s work for saving the poor and bringing souls to me – while ignoring the one thing that you truly can do for God, which is to save yourself by consciously and willingly letting the mortal self die.

Do you see how the consciousness of death fools religious people into thinking they are doing everything right in order to qualify for salvation, while in reality they are NOT doing the ONE thing that is required for salvation, namely that they overcome the consciousness of separation, the consciousness of death? It is the consciousness of death that keeps people outside the kingdom of God, yet this very consciousness has also created the illusion that you can win entry into the kingdom of God WITHOUT overcoming the consciousness of death, without putting on the wedding garment of the Christ consciousness.

What I need in this age is people who will first of all work on freeing themselves from this most subtle of all illusions, and who will then shout it from the housetops in order to awaken others. For the entire planet has actually moved beyond the point when this consciousness should have been exposed for all to see. So we have some catch-up to do, but with God – working through both me and all of you – all things are possible.


Mother Teresa’s “interior darkness” – Part 4 – Transcending the death consciousness.


Copyright © 2007 by Kim Michaels