Question: Could the masters give us a spiritual perspective on the growing phenomenon of young adults in their 20s and 30s, not wanting to leave their parent’s home, not wanting to start their own life and take full responsibility for it. In some countries, even over 50% of young people in their 20s and 30s, still live with their parents. Some of them cannot afford living on their own, but many just don’t want to or feel they are not able, psychologically to deal with a life on their own. How can we, parents up children like this deal with this situation, especially when the child refuses to work on its psychology?
Answer from the Ascended Master Mother Mary through Kim Michaels. This answer was given during the 2020 Webinar – Choosing America’s Future.
Well, if you are an ascended master student and you are open to working on your psychology, then you can first of all work on your own psychology, relating to your role as a parent and your relationship to your children. It is clear that while the child is under 18, you have an obligation to that child as a parent. But when the child turns 18, in most countries, they are legally adults, and therefore your obligation to house them in your home to take care of them ends. But the question is whether you can accept this psychologically. And that depends on whether you have unresolved selves in your psychology, that make you divided in your relationship with your children, in your view of yourself as a parent and what you can demand of your children—what limits you can set for your children, and so forth and so on.
You recognize here that no matter how aware children are, they have a certain subconscious sense of their parents and what they can get away with and not get away with, with their parents. And basically, we can say that children over 18, who stay at home with their parents, it is because they are refusing to take responsibility for themselves as adult human beings. In order to then stay with their parents, they are exploiting some division, some uncertainty, some lack of clarity in the parent’s psychology. This has probably been going on since the children were quite small, where they sensed that they could get their way with their parents by doing or saying certain things. Whatever the mechanics of the situation can be, can be highly individual. In some cases, the children are good at making the parents feel guilty or feel responsible or feel they are not good enough parents or whatever it may be. That can be various of these mechanics.
So, you need to look at this. Look at your relationship to your children, from when they were young. Look at your attitude to being a parent, what you feel you are responsible for. And try to find these areas of division, where you are divided in yourself—you’re not clear on who you are as a parent, and what rights you have to set limits for your children.
In many cases, you will see especially in the modern world, the last several decades, you have an entire generation of parents who find it difficult to set limits for their children and the children are then very good at exploiting this. When a child turns 18, the parents cannot set the limit and say: “Now you need to move out, get your own place to live, get a job and move on with your life”. And if you are divided and cannot draw this line, then the children will exploit it as they have been doing for their entire childhood.
It doesn’t really matter whether the children are willing to work on their psychology or not. Because when you work on your own and overcome these divisions, you will be able to simply draw a line and say: “This is what I can accept. And this is what I cannot accept. And this is what you have to abide by.”
You have a right to say that your child should leave the home after the age of 18. And if you don’t say that you have a right to define the conditions where the child can stay in your home. And you always have a right to say: “Well, if you don’t like my conditions, then move, go somewhere else”. This is your right when the children are adults. And in many cases, it is what the children need, because it is better for them, because it forces them to grow, where staying at home, enables them not to grow, and in many cases even makes their psychological conditions worse, because they are not forced to confront them.
Copyright © 2020 Kim Michaels