TOPICS: Both people have an imbalance between masculine and feminine – shoulds and should-nots – feeling incomplete – want your partner to complete you – find completeness inside yourself – you attract a partner who makes your own imbalance more visible – why relationships end quickly – ceasefire agreement – look for the imbalance in yourself –
Question: We see the failure of most love relationships. Why is there such a massive failure and what principles may relationships in the new age be based on?
Answer from ascended master Mother Mary through Kim Michaels:
This is a very broad and extensive topic, and we will gradually bring forth more teachings specifically on relationships. But what can be said at this point is that the failure of all human relationships is due to an imbalance between the masculine and feminine elements of each of the people involved in those relationships.
And thus, you often see people – in their blindness – going into an ego reaction, where they start blaming other people. And this ties into the shoulds and the should-nots. Because when you have an imbalance between masculine and feminine in your own being, then you also have a false image of what should or should not happen in your relationship and in your own life.
You create a mental box, and the first person that you put into that mental box is yourself. Because of that imbalance, you have a sense of being incomplete, somehow inadequate. And thus, when you engage in relationships, you enter those relationships with the consciousness of being in a deficit, of missing something, of having to get something from your relationships. You are looking for other people to complete you and to compensate for what you perceive as a lack, an insufficiency in yourself. And thus, you build this sense of what other people should or should not do in order for your ego to feel complete and thus feel secure.
Yet, when you study the teachings on the ego, you see clearly that this is an impossible quest. For your ego will never feel complete and secure—only your Conscious Self can feel complete and secure. For you can only feel complete and secure when you stop looking for anything in the material world, including other people, to complete you. Because instead, you redirect your attention to see that your completeness comes from your own Higher Being, which is already complete the way God created it, as an extension of itself, my beloved.
And so, can you see that when you allow yourself to step into the reality distortion field of the ego, you think you are incomplete, you think other people should complete you, and therefore should do this or shouldn’t do that, so that you can feel complete and in control. Yet, what you cannot see in your blindness is that the people you attract to you are also trapped in the ego. For if you are completely centered in your Higher Being, then you would not attract to you those kind of relationships.
So actually, when you are blinded by the ego, you attract people to you who are also blinded by the ego, and thus will either magnify the imbalance in yourself – so that it becomes more visible – or they will have the opposite extreme of the extreme in which you have entered. Thus again, making your own imbalance more visible.
A relationship that is based on a deficit is doomed from the very beginning to be a rocky road. And indeed, what you will see is that many relationships end after a very short time by both sides blaming the other and feeling that the other did not live up to what they should have done. And therefore, it is justified to break off the relationship and blame it on the mote in the other person’s eye, instead of looking for the beam in your own.
Some relationships find a certain balance, where the people actually learn not to push the ego buttons, and therefore enter into what we might call a ceasefire agreement, where there is what seems to be – and what is in a sense – a relative peace that allows the people to maintain a relationship. Yet it is a relationship that does not give spiritual growth, or at least gives it very slowly. So that people after an entire lifetime in such a relationship might only have grown a small portion of the potential for growth that they had in that lifetime—if they had been more willing to look at the beam in their own eye.
You as the spiritual people should realize that when you have conflict in your relationships, you need to look for the beam in your own eye. You need to look for the state of imbalance between masculine and feminine in yourself.
You need to use the teachings we have given, the tools we have given in several rosaries, and other invocations, on balancing the masculine and feminine aspect of your own being. So that you can find a balanced relationship with your partner, whether it is a regular relationship between man and woman, or even the relationship with parents, siblings, co-workers or other people that you enter into relationships with in a broad sense.
NOTE: You can also use the Invocation for loving yourself to heal your sense of incompleteness.
Copyright © 2008 by Kim Michaels