Why do some women keep attracting abusive men?

Question: Since my childhood, I experienced a lot of emotional aggression from my father and in my adult life from men. During my life, I have attracted men who are not emotionally open, but who are particularly focused on sex and lust. I had two very abusive relationships. After this, I found the path and worked hard on myself and my psychology. Although I have solved a lot in my psychology, I experience a part of me that still wants something from these types of men. I consciously know that these types of men are not good for me but I experience that I carry a part in me who, despite the fact that there are many loving men who demand my attention, still wants attention and contact with the men with whom I only will have a destructive relationship. Can you explain to me how that mechanism works? Why does this self, this part in me want contact and attention from these men so much, while these men just take whatever they can take without any emotional connection? What is it in me that I would reject love for men who are also nice and who are in my life and give me attention? Why do I want the one out of all those men that are not right for me? I’m not in a relationship and do nothing with men, but I experience what is happening, I see the parts in me and I want more insight into why this is happening while I know better. I am right now clearing my four lower bodies by walking the path of the seven rays and by doing the invocation from the book of Mother Mary’s Course In Abundance. Please can you give me insights, so I can see it all clearer.

Answer from the Ascended Master Mother Mary through Kim Michaels. This answer was given during the 2020 Webinar – Choosing America’s Future.

Well, first of all, you can benefit from realizing that you are by no means the first or the only woman who has this mechanism. Many, many women have it, many have had it and they are actually books that are written about the phenomenon which you can benefit from reading. They can supplement the teachings that we have given on psychology and help you gain various insights. Now, there can be a number of individual reasons that cause this phenomenon. But let me focus on at least three of them.

First of all, there are some women who have an inferiority complex, they don’t feel they are worthy. And it often is that they don’t feel they are worthy to get attention from other people. So, you attract to you these abusive men, because even though they are abusive, they are at least giving you attention. And the attention, even though it is abusive, is better than being ignored. This can be one reason. I am not saying it is the case for all women, but it is one reason.

Another reason is that you have, in a past life, been severely hurt by men or often one particular man that you may have incarnated with in several lifetimes. So, you have this deep sense that you cannot actually trust men. And the strange phenomenon that comes in here is that the sense that you cannot trust men often originated because you had a relationship with a man, and you trusted that man and you opened yourself up to that man. And then this man used your openness against you to hurt you. Therefore, you have a self that has decided that you will never again open yourself up to a man. And that is why you reject the men with whom you could have a deeper connection. And you have relationships with the men, that although they are abusive, but for you, that’s not really the deciding factor. The deciding factor is you could never have a deeper connection with them so there is no danger that you would open yourself up to them.

Now a third factor that can come into play is that for some of you, this goes back to your cosmic birth trauma. This goes back to your first embodiment on earth, where you were very severely abused by authority figures that were men. And the reason why you keep attracting these men to you can be partly the first two reasons I mentioned. This can play a role in your psychology. But the real reason is that you want to resolve this birth trauma. And therefore, you keep attracting men to you that are so abusive that it’s difficult to ignore it. In other words, if you had a normal, loving relationship with a man, you might be able to push this problem aside, and either not resolve the birth trauma for some time or not resolve it in this embodiment. And you have decided in your divine plan that you want to resolve it in this embodiment. Therefore, you are, so to speak, subconsciously forcing yourself to confront the issue.

Now, obviously, we have given teachings about the separate selves and it is clear that this mechanism is based on one or in many cases, several separate selves, that have certain beliefs about yourself, about your relationship to men. You may believe you can’t trust men, you may believe you’re not really worthy to be with a man and therefore you should tolerate abuse, you maybe believe you’re not worthy to get attention for people. And it may be other beliefs as well, because it can be very individual, what beliefs you have.

But if you use the teachings we have given “Healing Your Spiritual Traumas” and the other books, you will be able to make progress on this. Now it can again help you to read books on this, it can help you perhaps to go into therapy about this, it can help you perhaps to find a group of women where you can talk about this. There is in fact a need that women would create support groups for women who have had abusive relationships from men in this lifetime. You might even consider looking for such a group or creating it if you cannot find one.


Copyright © 2020 Kim Michaels