Non-attachment in a relationship

Question: How should we see and deal with the balance, and seeming fine line, between engaging in taking care of and loving someone to keep the relationship going but still having non attachment? 

Answer from the Ascended Master Mother Mary through Kim Michaels. This answer was given at the 2020 Webinar for the Liberation of Women.

Well, it is truly a delicate balance in all relationships. It’s clear that you need to engage yourself in a relationship. You need to invest your attention, your energy, in keeping the relationship constructive and even meeting the needs of your partner, and this will engage your energies to a certain degree.

At the same time, you of course do not do yourself or your partner any favor by becoming attached to a certain outcome, because you will start to take things personally, you will become tense in yourself, and this tension will spread to your partner, maybe your partner already has tension, so there can be a growing tension in the relationship. How do you avoid this growing tension in the relationship? Well, there must be a certain level of non attachment, preferably by both partners, but at least from one partner. How do you deal with that? Well, you deal with it as always, by seeking to identify whatever separate selves you have, that cause you to react to your partner in an inharmonious way, and then seeking to resolve those selves.

This is really the spiritual reason why you engaged in that relationship in the first place, because you knew your partner had the potential to help you see what you need to overcome in your own psychology. If you approach the relationship with this attitude, then you can make significant progress yourself. This means that you will also build that non attachment where you are not attached to your partner’s reactions and you do not go into this reactionary pattern, you can avoid going into a reactionary pattern.

Non-attachment does not mean that you don’t care and that you are insensitive to your partner, it just means that you are not trapped in a reactionary pattern, you are not reacting based on these separate selves. This means you can react to your partner in a more positive way, and this can create a positive spiral in the relationship.

There can also be some relationships where this simply will not work, because your partner has a certain unresolved psychology that he or she is not willing to move beyond. That is where again, you can then come to a point where you have attained maximal growth that you can attain from that relationship, and it can be part of your divine plan to move on into a new type of relationship. So this an individual evaluation, that you don’t decide with your outer mind. But you work on the separate selves, you work on overcoming your reactionary patterns, and then you can come to that point where you receive a clear inner direction of what is the most constructive step to take, and then you can decide with the outer mind to follow that direction. But you in many cases cannot receive that direction when you are still trapped in a reactionary pattern and have that attachment to a specific outcome.


Copyright © 2020 Kim Michaels