Question: When we are doing Mother Mary’s meditation of going through the gardens [Chapter 5: A Tool for Healing Psychological Trauma in Healing Your Spiritual Traumas], it is necessary to see the specific conditions and details of the birth trauma, or is it more important to just see the decision that was made?
Answer from Kim Michaels. This answer was given during the 2023 Kazakhstan Conference.
It is the last thing. It is not important to see the actual conditions. And I think actually many times when we do not see the actual conditions, we are not as overwhelmed by the feelings because what we really need to see is that we made a certain decision based on the trauma. Just to give one example, which I have seen in myself is that I came here wanting to do something positive for earth, wanting to set people free from suffering.
And I experienced that people did not want to listen to me. I can even see in this lifetime that I have had many situations where people did not want to listen to me. I was saying something and they did not want to listen to it. What I saw at some point–and I am not saying this was the only birth trauma, but certainly one of them–is that I had been in a situation where I made the decision in my mind, nobody wants to listen to me on earth. And that is the kind of decision that then limits you because you are now approaching life on earth and other people with this overlay of nobody wants to listen to me. Why do I bother? Why speak out? Why take a stand for anything? Nobody wants to listen to me anyway. And it was very liberating for me to get over that, be free of that. Of course, there was also a trauma of the fallen beings physically torturing me and killing me. There can be more than one of these traumas that we received. But this was just an example that came to mind now. It is like I came to a point where I did not see the specific condition where nobody wanted to listen to me.
But I saw that I had made that decision and I saw, of course, that it was an illusion because some people will listen. Like the Buddha said: “Some will understand.” But I saw how it had limited me ever since I made that decision. And therefore, I saw that I want to be free of this. I do not want to carry this around with me anymore. And that is when I could look at the self and say: “I am just letting you die. I am not trying to solve a problem. I am not trying to get people to listen to me.” Because before that, in my mind, I thought: “Well, why do people not want to listen to me? It is probably because I am not good enough at explaining things. I have to get better. I have to find a different way to talk to people. I have to find out what they actually will be willing to listen to.” You are always focused on other people’s response. And after I let that self die, I can just be myself. And if it helps some people, fine. And if it does not help others, fine. I do not have to save everybody on this planet. In fact, I do not have to save anybody.
I can be myself and be free. And I actually sense that by expressing myself freely, I am giving people more of an example that you can actually be free to be yourself. And I think many more people want that. Not everybody, because not everybody is ready for it. But many people are ready to say: “I just want to be able to be myself and be free.”
Copyright © 2023 Kim Michaels