How to stop nagging

Question: Can the ascended masters expand the topic of nagging between couples? Is it more like a collective spirit or an individual spirit? What are the key elements of this to transcend this?

Answer by Ascended Master Mother Mary through Kim Michaels, given at a conference in Estonia 2019.

Well, there is a very, very strong collective beast, demon, spirit, that causes this nagging. It’s not actually only between couples of men and women, but in many human relationships. It’s almost as if people go into, we might call it a hypnotic state, where they are hypnotized. It is like their view of the other person is locked. But what is also locked is their view of themselves in relation to that other person. Many people think—and you can have a married couple, for example, that are nagging at each other—and each of them think the same thing. They think: “Oh, my partner is just that way, and therefore I can’t be any other way with my partner.”

Well, if they both think the same thing, how are they ever going to get out of this? Because what they are both saying is: “I can’t change because my partner won’t change.” That is the ultimate state of powerlessness. When you think there is nothing you can change unless something outside of yourself changes, you are powerless in an ultimate way. There is nothing in your life you have control over, is what you are saying. And that is why people open their consciousness to these collective beasts or demons. They are actually saying: “I don’t want to change myself. I don’t want to take responsibility for changing myself. So therefore, I want some demon to take over my life, so I don’t have to make any decision to change.” They are not saying this consciously, mind you, but they are saying this subconsciously.

When both partners go into this, well, then where can the relationship go? It can go nowhere, other than more and more nagging. What you actually see in some couples is that the nagging reaches a certain level, but it doesn’t get worse. It doesn’t get into a conflict that might lead to a divorce. It just leads these people to stay in that level of nagging for 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 years. And what are they doing? They are feeding their energy every day to this demon that’s sitting there getting fatter and fatter. You want an image of what this looks like? Look at the early Star Wars movies, at a being called Jabba the Hutt, and you have some idea of what these beasts or demons can look like. They are just soaking up people’s energy getting fatter and fatter, and it is really even more ugly than it was portrayed in those movies.

So what can be done to break it? Well, unfortunately, when people have gotten into that situation, it’s very difficult for them to break it. One way to break it is that they could escalate the conflict and decide to get a divorce. That would at least break the pattern. The other way is, of course, that they could decide to walk the spiritual path. Or if they are already aware of the spiritual path, they could look at this phenomenon of nagging and say: “Well, do we want to continue this, or don’t we?”

Here is the trap that prevents so much change in relationships. It is that both of the people decide: “I can’t change the relationship unless my partner is also willing to change. And my partner isn’t willing to change, so there’s nothing I can do.” This is, again, an unwillingness to take responsibility.

There is always something you can do. You can change your own consciousness. You can recognize that this kind of nagging comes from a separate self. You can use our tools to identify that self, come to see it for what it is, see what belief is behind it for you individually. It relates to how you see yourself and how you see the opposite sex. How you see relationships. How you see yourself in a relationship. When you identify that belief you can let the self die. You are not trying to change your partner. You are not even trying to change the outer situation. You are not trying to solve a problem. You are just letting the self die that causes you to participate in this nagging process.

My beloved, can one person nag? What is the sound of one person nagging? It is like with one hand clapping, dead silence. Because there is nothing being sent back. If you don’t send something back to your partner, can your partner continue to nag? Well, some would say yes, for a while. But eventually, what’s the fun of nagging if the other person doesn’t respond?

But it doesn’t really matter whether your partner stops nagging or not, because we have said this before. If you change yourself, if you change your state of consciousness, one of two things will happen. Either your partner will also change, or you will change partner.

Either way, you are better off than staying in that relationship that isn’t going anywhere, at least if you are a person on the spiritual path. Because if you are really serious about making maximum progress on your path, fulfilling your divine plan, you can’t afford to stay in a relationship where there is no growth. You can’t afford to stay in a relationship that’s locked in a certain pattern. You can’t afford to stay with a partner who isn’t willing to take responsibility for him or herself, and grow, and look at their psychology, and work on that psychology. You just can’t, my beloved. You cannot make maximum progress and fulfill your divine plan if you are locked in a stale relationship. You may do it for a while if you have children and you do not want to break up the family. But you cannot do it for the rest of your life, if you are intent on making maximum progress.


Copyright © 2019 Kim Michaels