How to deal with criticism from other people

Question: I have a question about how responding and turning the other cheek when I am approached with criticism and being put down by a colleague at my work. I often react with feelings of shame and then try to explain myself and defend myself. I realise it’s the self that feels shame and wants to defend itself. It is hard to just walk away and not to respond in any way. How do I respond without invoking the “fight and flight” response?

Answer from the Ascended Master  Mother Mary through Kim Michaels. This answer was given at a conference in Holland in 2019.

I recommend that you start by looking at the situation and evaluating what is the cost and the benefit of your present approach. You will see that it actually pulls you into a reaction, where you are constantly out of peace and you actually find it more difficult to get along with the other person, because you are resisting what the other person is telling you. You can see that the reaction you are having has a cost, then you can look at that cost and decide whether you want to continue to pay that price or whether you want to get out of it. If you want to get out of it, then you can see that there is more than one self here.

There is usually one self that resists looking at yourself, resists seeing something in yourself, because there is another self that would make you feel ashamed or judge yourself for seeing whatever there is that is unresolved. You can come to the point where you use the tools we have given you to identify these selves, to separate yourself from them, just realise that there is no problem you need to solve here and you can let the selves die.

You will also discover that there is a deeper self behind this, which ties into this whole idea of having to be perfect, or not having ever made any mistakes. This is the self that has (sort of) created the other two selves, but the other two selves are hiding the deeper self because you are caught in this “push and pull” of resisting whenever somebody tells you anything. You can come to the point where you uncover that deeper underlying self and realise that it is completely unreal.

First of all there is no state of perfection. Second of all it is a very deep programming in the collective psyche created by the fallen beings, that you are supposed to live up to this standard that nobody can live up to. You can come to see that self and just, again – see how unreal it is that you should ever live up to a standard of perfection when nobody can define the standard. You do not have to be perfect as a human being, you just have to continue to grow. For the rest of your life in embodiment you will continue to grow.

Once you realise that, you realise that seeing something in yourself, having other people point out something, is not really something you need to resist because it leads to growth. Once you get rid of these selves, you will find that you can be completely neutral when other people tell you something. In many cases you can see that, maybe what they are saying is not even reasonable, it is based on their perception which isn’t neutral or objective. If it is a supervisor at work, you might – instead of objecting to it or trying to defend yourself, or trying to prove them wrong, you might just take an easier way out and accommodate the person in order to have a better relationship with them, and then just go on with your work.

Again, it really boils down to looking at these selves that are pulling you into this reaction. Basically, as we have said before: Any time you feel an inner disturbance, you know that disturbance comes from a separate self. When the Conscious You is conscious of who it is and what it is, you are just a neutral observer. There isn’t that reaction in the Conscious You.


Copyright © 2019 Kim Michaels