Foundational teachings on a relationship where your partner opposes your spiritual beliefs

TOPICS: Never make important decisions when agitated – when feeling paralyzed, there is something you have not looked at – this blocks you inner direction – decide you are willing to look at anything – take control over your REaction – set your partner free to change – Christhood is when nothing in this world forces you to respond with less than love – possible to stay in a relationship and walk the path to Christhood – do not submit out of fear – many spiritual people in relationship crisis – when a partner will not change – when to leave a relationship – focus on changing yourself; not your partner – finding inner peace independently of your partner – mentally outplay the worst-case scenario – make the calls – talk to your partner – does your partner love you for who you are? –


Question: I am begging you for your help. If either of you could answer I would be very grateful. I am a wife and mom with several young children who’s been on a spiritual journey for many years. At some point in my life I believed that evangelical Christianity is the answer, I “became saved” and I found my husband, got married and had children. I still love my husband very dearly and I have no desire to live without him, however my awakening process led me to these teachings and I know  in my heart it is the truth. I am not trying to convince my husband of the truth in these teachings as he is a born-again Christian, a fine man but he is not ready and open for any type of teaching that does not line up with the written Scriptures. I am trying to live out unconditional love and the true teachings of Jesus, while walking on my own path of Christhood. However our differences are now causing serious arguments each and every day. My husband now realizes that I am not a believer according to the written Bible anymore. I have no desire to lie to him nor to keep secrets from him – but now I am more and more being interrogated by him like at a police office about my beliefs. I am desperate – I can’t live like this. I will not give up Truth for the sake of being loved and accepted, but I dearly love my husband and our children and I am terrified that I will be losing them or they’ll be losing me especially if my husband’s very protestant fundamentalist family joins his interrogations against me. I already don’t have my own family, I grew up Roman Catholic and I came out of that idoltary long time ago, losing my family’s support and love. I feel like Peter walking on the water and sinking. I am scared and alone and a lot of dark thoughts are entering my mind that are not from God. I have no idea what to do and how to react, what to say. I am looking at brother Jesus how he responded to accusations when he stood in front of Pilate for example but I truly have no idea how to behave in an entrapped situation like this. Please, please help me. How to love my husband, how to live in peace showing God’s peace in the midst of this? What must I do?

I am so frazzled right now I am not even able to meditate and find the answer within my own Christ consciousness.

Answer from ascended master Jesus through Kim Michaels: September 17, 2010

First of all, you need to make a firm decision that you will never make any life-changing decisions while you are in an agitated state of mind. Once you make that decision, you will feel your agitation level drop somewhat.

The next thing you need to do is to recognize that in any situation where you feel paralyzed and have no sense of inner direction, the core of the problem is that there is something in the situation that you are not willing to look at.

As long as there is something you are not willing to look at, you can get no clear inner direction. Meaning your agitation level will only increase, until it leads to some kind of crisis or breakdown. Therefore, you need to see that this is a downward spiral, and you need to do something you have not done before in order to break it.

How do you break it? By making the conscious decision that you are indeed willing to look at any aspect of the situation. Thus, instead of resisting your inner direction, you will now open your mind and heart to inner direction. And then your Christ self and guiding masters have something to work with, whereas now they must respect your free will and stand back.

How do you find out what it is you have not been willing to look at? Well, in any situation, the obvious place to start is to look at your fears. All fear is a fear of the unknown, the unknown being something you have not been willing to look at. If you had indeed looked at it and asked for Christ direction, it would no longer be unknown and you would have resolved your fear.

As always, I will use the specific question to give a teaching that can be helpful to many people, so some of the things I will say here will not apply to the specific person asking the question. Yet one thing does apply, namely that your letter clearly demonstrates that you are paralyzed because you have two conflicting fears: You are afraid of compromising your path to Christhood, and you are afraid that your relationship will end. Thus, your combined fear is that there is no way to both walk your path and continue the relationship.

The reason you have this fear is that you believe the answer depends on your husband’s attitude and decisions. Thus, you have allowed yourself to believe that the outcome of the situation is out of your hands and that there is nothing you can do to change the situation through your own choices. Yet I want people to understand that you are NEVER in a situation in which you have no choices.

There is ALWAYS something you can do, namely to take complete control over your own REaction to the situation. And once you do control your own reaction, you will see that your fears will be gone and your approach to the situation will be completely different. And by setting yourself free to find a higher response to the situation, it is possible – not certain, but possible – that you will also set your husband free to find a higher response. You are in a relationship, and a relationship involves two people. Thus, your husband’s reaction is not only a product of his psychology but is also influenced by your reaction, which comes from your psychology.

The next thing you need to do is to seriously consider how you look at your personal path. Do you, as many people do, see it as an outer path, where you increase your knowledge and thus come to believe and accept certain ideas, such as the teachings found on this website? Or do you, as I describe throughout this website, begin to see that the real core of your personal path is a process that takes place inside of you. In other words, do you see that an essential part of the path to Christhood is to take complete control over your reactions to the conditions in this world? This is the underlying message of what the ascended masters have been teaching since the time of the Buddha.

What does it mean to manifest Christhood? It means that the prince of this world has nothing in you, because no matter what he throws at you, he cannot force you into reacting with anything less than love. Love is the remedy that will cast out all your fears. When you can respond with love, you set both yourself and your partner free to find a higher response—if your partner so chooses.

So, do you see what I am saying? A relationship is one of the most efficient ways for teaching people how to take control over their reactions. Thus, being in a relationship with a person who opposes your spiritual beliefs is not necessarily a hindrance on your path to Christhood. It can – if you choose to approach it that way – be a wonderful opportunity to take control over your reactions and teach yourself to respond to any situation with love. In other words, it is entirely possible for you to stay in a relationship and still walk your path to Christhood. You may even make faster progress in a difficult relationship than in an easy one.

The reason why I am saying this is that I am giving you the hope that you can indeed continue a relationship and still pursue your Christhood. This should then lessen your fear, so that you can take a closer look at this fear. The fact is that if you are afraid that your relationship will end, the fear might make you compromise your path to Christhood. Whereby I mean that submitting out of fear is NOT the same as taking control over your reactions. Many people have allowed fear to make them submissive, and some even think that because this is non-aggressive, it is Christ-like, spiritual or loving. It is neither.

So you need to get to a point where you do not submit out of fear, and the only way to do that is to look at the fear. So let us look at the fear that the relationship might end.

It is a fact, perhaps a brutal fact, but nevertheless an inescapable fact that most people on the spiritual path will experience a relationship crisis. This is especially true for relationships that started before you found the path or before you took a big step forward. The reason is that when you take a big step forward, your partner will sense this. And if your partner is not willing to move forward with you, it will be seen as a threat. There is then the risk that your partner will be afraid of losing you, and this may cause your partner to seek to restrict your spiritual activities.

There are many spiritual seekers who have experienced this, and many of them have also allowed it to end their relationships. However, in the vast majority of cases, this was either unnecessary or premature. Let me explain.

It is perfectly true that as a spiritual seeker, you may have to end a relationship in order to make a leap forward (or as a result of making such a leap). I demonstrated this in the situation where I am preaching to a crowd and my mother and brothers and sisters come to talk me into stopping what I am doing and being a normal person. My response was that those who hear the word of God and do it, those are my true family. The same will to some degree be true for any spiritual seeker—there may come points on your path, where you need to move on and leave certain people behind.

However, and this is a big HOWEVER, this must never be used as an excuse for taking the easy way out. In fact, many seekers have indeed used my example in order to justify ending a relationship. They wanted out of the relationship, but were not willing to admit it, so when their partner started objecting to their spiritual activities (which were often unbalanced) this became a convenient excuse for ending the relationship. It is so easy to project that it was your partner’s unwillingness to accept your spiritual activities that caused the break-up. Obviously, this is simply the age-old ego-trick of projecting responsibility outside yourself, and it does not lead to spiritual progress, no matter how you seek to justify it.

If you want out of a relationship, you obviously have a right to make that choice. But then admit that you are making the choice and do not project responsibility upon someone else.

So do you see what I am saying? On the one hand, it is necessary to have in the back of your mind that a relationship might end, but it is also necessary to avoid making a decision with the outer mind that will end the relationship prematurely. How do you strike that balance? Well, first decide not to make any decisions to end the relationship, and then decide to stop focusing on changing your partner and instead focus all of your attention on mastering your own reactions in the relationship.

The point you want to move towards is where it really doesn’t matter to you whether the relationship ends or continues. For you are so in control of your own reactions that you can find inner peace and happiness independently of your partner.

Once you do find that inner peace and learn to respond only with love, it is highly likely that your partner will indeed change and that the crisis will be over. Yet because everything is subject to free will, it is possible that your partner will not be willing to change. Thus, your partner may decide to end the relationship or the relationship might simply dissolve seemingly by itself. What I am telling you here is to focus on your own reactions and to avoid making any decisions with your outer mind. You strive for inner peace, and let the situation unfold.

Meaning that even if the relationship does end, you are at peace with that. And in order to get to that point, it may be necessary to look at your fear and move through it. The best way to do that is to ask yourself, “What is the worst thing that could happen?” Then in your mind outplay that this really does happen and how you would deal with it mentally and emotionally. By allowing yourself to live through the fear, you will eventually move through it and see that the worst-case scenario was not as bad as you feared. You would indeed be able to survive it, and even move forward if it happened.

Now, in cases such as the one described above, it is also necessary to look at another factor that many people might be reluctant to acknowledge. It is a brutal fact that fundamentalist Christianity is grossly out of touch with the reality of Christ. Few religious movements on this earth are more aggressively judgmental, and this means many fundamentalist Christians have opened themselves up to the demons of hell. These demons are working through many fundamentalists, even many preachers, and these people are truly being used to stir up conflict. It is therefore both legitimate and necessary that you use the rosaries and decrees we have given on the toolbox site to call for your husband to be cut free and protected from these demons.

Again, it is important for you to do this without fear, and you can overcome the fear by realizing that these demons have no power over you when you take control over your own reactions. Yet until that point, it is important to call for the protection and cutting free of yourself, your children and your husband and his family. You can also call for me to judge the forces who are abusing my name, using it to justify actions that are not Christ-like. Use Archangel Michael’s rosary and the invocation for the accuser of the brethren. Yet also use more gentle invocations for clearing the heart and unconditional love.

Okay, now for the final step. Once you have called for protection and once you have found some control over your own reactions, it will be necessary to have a talk with your husband. However, take note that this will not be possible or constructive until you have some control over your reactions. If you do not, it will likely become a confrontation that will only escalate the crisis.

So when the situation seems constructive, talk to your husband about two things. First of all try to ask him questions about whether he thinks his behavior towards you is in alignment with the ideals of Christ. Is he truly turning the other cheek, or is he being an aggressor who keeps hitting you on one cheek while you keep turning the other? Show him that you are not trying to change his beliefs, but that he is not doing the same.

He might respond that because you will go to hell for not believing, he is indeed doing what Jesus wants him to do. Then try to ask him whether he thinks Jesus respected people’s free will? Does he really believe that Christ wants him to disrespect your free will? Ask him what he would feel if someone aggressively attempted to make him recant his Christian beliefs? Would he feel this is right? If not, then can he possibly see that if he does not want anyone to force him to change his beliefs, he should do unto others as he wants them to do unto him. And by aggressively attacking your beliefs, he is not living up to my commandment.

Also ask him whether Christ wants him to demonize his own wife or whether Christ wants him to find a way to live together in peace, even if you do not have the same beliefs? You might remind him that I told all Christians to love one-another as I have loved you. And I loved all people, regardless of their religious affiliation, which is why I reached out to Samaritans, publicans, Romans and sinners alike.

The next topic to talk about is his feelings for you. Start by making it clear what you feel for him, as described in your letter. Then ask him to honestly tell you what he feels for you. You might never have become married if you were not both saved, but what does he feel now? Does he love you for who you are as a person, or is his love conditional on you being saved? Can he separate you as a person from your religious membership? Does he still love you for who you are and is his love deep enough to allow you to follow a path in life that he does not understand? Can he love you enough to set you free to follow your path, as you love him enough to set him free to follow his path?

If the answer is that he does love you for who you are, then the obvious conclusion is that you need to both work of being able to live together in love and respect, instead of continual arguments and accusations. If he honestly answers that he can no longer love you because you are not saved, well then you will obviously need to talk about whether your relationship has any meaning.

I realize that having such a potentially decisive conversation might be a cause for anxiety. And that is why I am telling you to work on mastering your own reactions, so that you can go into the conversation and be at peace regardless of the outcome. Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness – meaning inner peace and control over your reactions – and all these things shall be added unto you.

 

Copyright © 2010 by Kim Michaels