Question: How did you resolve your birth trauma, or how did you know that you had resolved it? How did you overcome your birth trauma?
Answer from Kim Michaels. This answer was given during the 2023 Kazakhstan Conference.
I think it was in 2017, getting these teachings. As far as I remember, it was a conference in Estonia where we started getting these teachings on the birth trauma. I was, of course, editing those dictations, and I think I also started creating invocations based on them. I was working with it as I was doing that. And I was calling to the masters to help me see my birth trauma. And after I had done that for some time, I had this experience where very early in the morning it was like I was partly awake, but I was not really thinking about anything. And then all of a sudden what came to me was the words: “You do not have to do anything on earth.” And it was almost a shock to me. I still remember being really, really shocked by this, because up until then I had always felt that I was here on earth because there was something I had to do, something I had to accomplish.
And this, of course, ties in with the whole teaching the masters gave on avatars who come to earth from a natural planet, and I always had the sense that, first of all, I did not belong on earth. This was not really my first planet. And I did not come here because I wanted to experience what you can experience on earth. I came here because I wanted to help the earth progress. That was at least how I saw it. Because of that, I always had this sense that I am not here just to enjoy life on earth. I am here to do something that makes a difference. When I got this clear message that there is nothing I have to do on earth, it really sort of shocked me. And I was just lying there half awake and processing this. And then I just felt something in me let go. And it was like I let go of this whole sense that I had to do something. And after that, I was so relaxed that I literally could not have gotten out of bed because all my muscles were so soft, I could not even get out of bed. I think I was lying there for some time, and maybe I fell asleep again.
And then when I finally got up, I could barely walk. I mean, my muscles were just so relaxed that I almost could not do anything. And this lasted for a couple of days. It gradually wore off. I was like when people talk about after they have had these deep tissue massages where their muscles are completely relaxed.
Originally, I thought that this was my birth trauma. And I thought that the birth trauma was that I came to earth with this intention of doing something, and then I experienced that I could not do it. It was impossible to do on a planet like this because people were not responding, they were not listening, and the fallen beings attacked me and put me down. I thought that was my birth trauma, and that I had resolved that.
But since then, I have had other things come up. And it may be that this experience of coming to earth with these good intentions and then realizing you could not fulfill them, that that was my initial birth trauma. But I also have since then had embodiments where I was physically tortured and killed and put down and manipulated into doing things that I thought were really, really stupid or wrong.
I had other traumas than just this. And the way I dealt with them was really just the teachings of the masters, you know, giving the decrees and invocations and asking the masters for help to see something. And it was always helpful to use the books we had, you know, Healing Your Spiritual Traumas and the others. As I was getting those dictations, working on these books, I was asking the masters to help me see this. And if there was a particular issue, I would give decrees or invocations on it to transform the energy. And then usually what happens is that after a while, without thinking about it, it suddenly just comes to me and I see something: “Oh, that was another self.” And then when I see it, I work on it. Sometimes I can let it go when I see it. Other times I need to work on it more, give some decrees to transform the energy or ask myself questions about it. What I do when I sense a self and I cannot quite see it is I just keep asking questions, trying to sort of step back, go around, look at it from a different angle, and also ask the masters to help me see it.
And sometimes it can take just a few days. Other times it takes maybe a few weeks before I break through and then suddenly I see it. But it comes to that breakthrough where I have stepped outside of the self, and now I can see it from the outside, and I can see it is not me. And then it is much easier to let it go.
I have resolved quite a few traumas that way. And I think I have resolved the birth trauma unless there is something I have not seen. You cannot know that there is something you have not seen because you have not seen it yet. You do not even know it is there, necessarily. But I still work on things, and I had just very recently worked on this trauma of feeling I had done something stupid because I realized I had done that all of my life. I had always been aware that, I should not do something that I thought was stupid or that other people thought was stupid. If I felt I had done something stupid, I was very hard on myself. If it had been other people, I would have just, said: “Okay, these things just happen.”
But for me, you know: “No I could not do something like that.” And so I had to work on that. And it actually took me a long time to break through on that. And maybe it still is not completely resolved. I do not know. I am always open and always looking for the next thing that I need to work on.
Question: When you are in a neutral state of mind, are you looking from the viewpoint of the conscious self?
Kim: Yes, I would say that because the way the masters explain it is that the Conscious You is neutral. They have also used the words “pure awareness.” And it is the separate selves that we have that have some kind of bias or some kind of overlay. They want things to be a certain way. To take the example I just gave, that I cannot allow myself to do something stupid. Well, obviously, it is a separate self that projects at me that I cannot allow myself to do “something stupid.” There is also another separate self that is projecting that there is a standard for what is stupid and what is not stupid.
And this does not come from the Conscious You because the Conscious You just looks at the events that happen. And as I was saying, I could look at somebody else that does something, and I do not have any judgment about it. You know, the person just did or said this, so what? But if I did the same thing myself, I would condemn myself for it. And that is obviously a separate self.
Question: Why did you feel you could not do something stupid?
Kim: I think there are layers of this. But I think the core of it, as I have seen it so far, is that when I came to earth as an avatar, I came from a natural planet. I had not done the kind of things that you see people doing on earth: hurting other people, deliberately ridiculing other people, putting them down. I can remember as a child, I had a very strong reaction when some children would put another child down and make them feel bad. Because I felt you really should not do that. You know, you should not put other people down psychologically. It was almost worse for me than if you hurt them physically.
I guess what I am trying to say is that I came as an avatar, and it is not that I felt I was better than human beings on earth, but I felt that there were certain things that human beings do that I had not done, and I could not allow myself to do it. One of those things is to do something stupid. I think what it really means is that as an avatar, I should know better than people on earth. I should not make the kind of stupid mistakes that people make. That is how I can see it right now. There could be deeper layers of this.
I think what I sense in myself, at least, is that as an avatar, we have this sense that we are here to improve things on earth, so we cannot allow ourselves to be pulled down into doing some of these things that are making things worse. And if we do, we are very judgmental towards ourselves for having done this. We would not judge other people the same way, but we judge ourselves very harshly, because we feel we should have been able to do better.
And I think it is probably individual for each one what that particular thing is. You might feel something different that you cannot do. But for me, it was just being stupid. And I also think that I have sensed, but I do not see it clearly, but I have sensed that at some point in distant past, I was in a position similar to what is described in My Life’s book, where the main character is born into this civilization, and the fallen beings try to make him feel it was his fault that the civilization collapsed. And I think I was in a similar position where I was fooled into doing something that had disastrous consequences. And I felt: “How could I have been so stupid?” And I think probably many other people experience similar things because this is one of the ways the fallen beings really get us. They put us in a position where we think we have an opportunity to do the right thing. And then it turns out that the situation was all manipulated, and there was really no right thing, no good thing we could have done then. Because the main purpose of the fallen beings was to put us down and destroy us. And they created this entire situation just for that purpose.
I do not think I have fully worked through that yet, but it is certainly something I am very aware of right now.
Question: When we work on a separate self, and we think we have let it go, can a memory of it come back later?
Kim: I would say, yes, I have experienced that as well. And I think there are two aspects of it: The separate self is based on a decision, and that decision is based on an illusion. When we resolve the self, it is because we look at the self from the outside, we see the decision we made, we see the illusion it is based on, and then we say: “I am letting this go. I am letting this self die. I do not want to defend it. I do not want to justify it. I do not want to explain it.” Often with a separate self, it is like we start to see it, but we start with the mind kind of justifying it.
In terms of this, you have a separate self that thinks you did “something stupid.” You can have a part of the mind, an outer self, that starts to say: “Ah, maybe it was not so bad after all, and maybe the consequences were not so bad, and maybe you should not be so hard on yourself. You should just ignore it.” But to resolve a separate self, we have to come to the point where we are not trying to justify it, and we are not trying to solve any problem that the self projects. We just look at it and say: “I do not want this anymore. I do not want to respond this way. I do not want to feel this way, think this way. And I am not trying to solve a problem, and I am not trying to explain or justify. I am just letting it die. I stop feeding it my energy.” When we come to that point, then the separate self is dead. But there could be some energies that we have not fully resolved, and there is also a memory that we may not have erased. I also think that there can be a projection from the outside.
I remember even before I knew anything about separate selves, going way back in the 1990s where I experienced seeing something in my psychology and letting it go, but then there would be a projection coming back. I basically had to let it go again. And this could happen several times. It is almost like the fallen beings sense that if there is the least chance that they can pull you back into the pattern, they will project this at you. You have to let it go a certain number of times until they give up. I also think it is valuable to take the teaching from Master More on erasing memories and realize we can have resolved the self, but there is still the memory of it that we also need to let go of. Because, of course, when we have resolved the self, we do not need to hold on to it anymore. Why would we need to remember it?
But in terms of this feeling “I have done something stupid.” I can also see that there is a very strong projection from the fallen beings. What we experienced on a natural planet is that whatever we did, we could always transcend it. We could always be free of it. We never really made a mistake that could never be repaired. But here on earth the fallen beings have projected that there are things that are mistakes that are so bad we can never be free of them.
I can see that there is a very strong projection against me that I have done something so stupid that I could never overcome it. And that is why I should not dare to speak out again, I should not dare to challenge the fallen beings, because I have already proven that I cannot do it. I am not good enough to do it. I am too stupid to challenge the fallen beings or whatever. This is a very, very strong projection. And perhaps there is still a self that I have not resolved there. But regardless, I think it is something they project on all of us to try to basically prevent us from expressing our Christhood. Because that is what they really do not want. They can handle that we attain Christhood if we are sitting in a cave in the Himalayas. But really that is not Christhood if it is not expressed in helping other people.
Copyright © 2023 Kim Michaels