Question: Throughout my life, I have struggled with persistent, obsessive-compulsive thinking, rooted in insecurity, especially around my appearance, and more recently around relationships and the current state of my life, including my finances. Since arriving at the conference, I have felt a deep surge of self-consciousness that I could no longer ignore or repress, something I think I have been doing for who knows how long. With that self-consciousness came embarrassment, and I have noticed that in response, I tend to either want to hide or try to compulsively control things, how I look, how I am being perceived, and the environment around me. In relationships, I have seen how this obsessive-compulsive self wants to run, run far away from intimacy and from fully showing up in the world. I recognize that this would sabotage my Divine plan. Even though I know these patterns stem from subconscious selves and deep trauma, I still feel paralyzed by them at times.
Honestly, I have not felt this kind of inner paralysis since I was a teenager. I want to be a free, active, contributing member of society. I long to be in the world, but not of it. I want to serve, and I do feel connected to the masters, so part of me feels like these insecurities should not matter. But here at the conference, everything feels intensified. It brings up questions like, if I am not more like everyone else here in appearance, socially acceptable, financially secure and abundant, physically fit, presentable or beautiful, in the way my gender is expected to be, will I still be loved? Will I be safe? Will I be rejected? Am I still worthy? I know I am worthy to the masters and to God, there is no question in my mind about that. But it is such a deep and indescribable pain to not feel accepted or worthy enough to be here on this planet or among the people on it. A planet that I actually love and appreciate, and a humanity that I love and appreciate. This pain of total rejection, of not having consistently experienced love on this planet, in this life or in past lives, is so immense that it has caused me to totally reject myself when I do not live up to the standards that would make me feel loved or accepted, a pain that I have run from my entire life. I want not just the material universe to reflect the unconditional love and acceptance I know God and the ascended masters have for me, but more than that, I want my inner world to reflect it.
Answer from the Ascended Master Mother Mary through Kim Michaels. This answer was given during the 2025 USA Conference.
What you are describing here is a very typical reaction to the birth trauma that we talk about more in the book, Healing Your Spiritual Traumas, and the other books in that series. It is important that you take those books and work through them. Do the exercises so you come to see this. The reason why it is coming up at a conference like this is because you are ready to work on it. And being in this environment and having the tools we are giving gives you an opportunity to work on it. It is also important in the sense that you have an opportunity here to interact with other people who have had the same problem, but some have worked through it more than you have. And this can be an inspiration for you. You also need to make a conscious shift where you realize that, in this particular environment, you are more accepted and loved than anywhere else you have been in this lifetime.
You need to be careful not to allow these subconscious selves that are coming up as their final hurrah, so to speak, to prevent you from interacting with people here and asking them about whether they have had the same issue and how they overcame it. Because just about everybody here has had the same issue. Because all avatars who came to earth felt rejected, felt they were not accepted because they did not live up to the standard defined by the fallen beings. But you see, you do not want to live up to the standard of the fallen beings. But on the other hand, it is a deep trauma to be rejected at the birth trauma. You think, after you have gone through the trauma, oh, they rejected me because I am different. If I appear to be like everybody else, they will not notice me, and I will not get rejected again. But this, of course, first of all is not true, because you can hide in the crowd, but you cannot hide your light from the fallen beings. They will always seek to make you feel more and more rejected to prevent you from manifesting your Christhood and expressing it.
It is simply something that you have to deal with as you are approaching the 96th level of consciousness. The fact that it is coming up means that you are actually further along on the path than you are realizing with your outer mind. My advice is again, in the long term, use the books. Even if you have done it before, do it again. But also, while you are here at the conference, interact with other people. Talk to them about it. See how they have dealt with the issue. And you will receive help, you will receive support, you will receive love from other people. Talk to the messenger if you feel open to doing this.
You see, as you approach the 96th level or go beyond it, you overcome this judgment of other people. And that means that you can be the open door whereby the unconditional love from the ascended realm can shine through so that other people can feel it. You also need to be aware here that you are seeking to get something from other people, such as through a love relationship, that you can only receive from your I Am Presence.
Many spiritual people have problems with relationships, because they are becoming more aware that they desire this unconditional pure love. And they are hoping they can find it and get it from another human being. But you all still have unresolved psychology. You are, in a sense, projecting an expectation on other people that they should be able to give you this unconditional love. But the only way to really receive that unconditional love is to connect to your I AM Presence. Because what will really complete you is that sense of connection leading to oneness with the I AM Presence. It is not an other human being at the horizontal level. There is nothing you can receive horizontally that will fulfill what can only be filled through the vertical connection.
I know from experience that one of the hardest things to accept for people is unconditional love. And I have given exercises and dictations before where I have offered to take people on my lap, to hold you in my arms until you feel that unconditional love. You can make use of those kinds of tools. You can set aside some time, go into a quiet room. It does not have to be here at the conference, but when you come back home, maybe give my decrees a few times, tune in to my Presence, listen to a dictation, and just allow yourself to feel that you are sitting on my lap, I am holding you in my arms as I held the baby Jesus, and see if you can open your mind, your heart, to receiving that unconditional love. Maybe you will not be able to receive it in the beginning. Maybe what will come up is all of the reasons why you are not worthy, you think. But that then gives you an opportunity to see that this can only come from a separate self. And then you can use the tools to go after that separate self and resolve it. And you can keep doing this until you can really accept that I love you unconditionally. And in unconditional love, there is nothing you have to live up to. No standard on earth that you have to live up to in order to receive the love that is unconditional, therefore, beyond any standard.
But it, for most people, takes work before you come to that point where you can accept what I am offering you freely all of the time. The love streams from the ascended realm. Not just through me, but other ascended masters as well. Love is constantly streaming. It is like a radio signal that is broadcasting. But you need to turn the dial of the radio until you get the right station. And that requires you to resolve the selves that are projecting that you are not worthy. But you see, how can you be unworthy of unconditional love? When you connect to the wisdom of the mother, you see the contradiction. And that can open your heart to receive.
Copyright © 2025 Kim Michaels