Question: Is there any meaning to holding on to a dysfunctional relationship with emotional and verbal abuse in order to fully see my own part, my separate self, the fear of abandonment, and be free not to react?
Answer from the Ascended Master Mother Mary through Kim Michaels. This answer was given during the 2023 Kazakhstan Conference.
Again, a situation that many people can recognize, and again a situation where there is not just one possible answer. What I can say in general is that as long as you are in doubt about whether you should leave the relationship or stay in the relationship, you should assume that you still have more to learn from the relationship, and therefore you should do whatever you can to look at your own psychology. Go into therapy, study books, use the ascended master teachings to uncover what you need to learn, what you need to see, what separate selves you have, and then when you have done that, you will come to a point where now you need to ask yourself, is there any meaning in staying in the relationship? And then comes the next step which is, are you willing to make the decision to leave the relationship? And you may not be willing or ready to make that decision, but then your next step is to look at why are you not there, where you are willing to make that decision.
And what all of you who have experienced abusive relationships will uncover if you really look at this is that there is a clear connection between the difficulty you are having leaving an abusive relationship and why you got into that relationship in the first place. Why were you attracted to an abusive partner? Because based on traumas from past lives, you are unwilling to make decisions for yourself. You are unwilling to decide what kind of a life you want to live, what kind of a partner you want to have. This is a very, very common pattern for many spiritual people. One part of this reason is that you are not willing to make decisions because of traumas. Another part of this is that as an avatar, you came here to help the earth, you came here to improve things, so you are willing to sacrifice yourself in order to help others. For many avatars, you have both these tendencies in your psychology.
In other words, you are willing to enter a relationship that is not necessarily ideal for you if you think this can help the other person. But at the same time, you have been attacked by the fallen beings in past lives, so you also have these separate selves that makes you reluctant to make strong decisions. You sort of, instead of flowing with the River of Life, you want to just flow with conditions as they are in the physical octave.
This messenger, at one point, after his third divorce, came to a point where he was willing to step back and say: “Why did I have these three relationships that ended in divorce? What is it I have not learned? What is it I have not seen?” And there was, of course, various things he needed to learn, but one of the things that he learned was that he had not been willing to actually look at and decide: “What kind of a relationship do I want?” He had just allowed conditions in life. He met his first wife, it seemed like this was the relationship he needed, then he got divorced, then he met his second wife, then he got divorced, met his third wife, then he got divorced. He was just sort of flowing with events that came to him. So in other words, whenever a new relationship appeared on the horizon, he was not looking at this and saying: “Is this really what I want?” He was saying: “Oh, I am willing to go in if this can help that other person.”
Many of you are in the same situation. You are sort of flowing with circumstances and suddenly a person appears in your life and it seems like this is the right step for you, to enter a relationship. You can also feel sometimes an intuitive guidance and it may very well be that your intuition is guiding you to enter that relationship, but not for the reason you think, but because this will force you to learn something and it will force you to come to the point where you have to make that decision: “What kind of a relationship do I actually want?”
And you see, this messenger realized that there was a certain dynamic in his first three relationships, and he could continue for the rest of his life to have relationships with the same kind of dynamic. Or he could decide to make a change, but in order to make a change, he had to be clear in his mind what he wanted. And the same for all of you. Many of you have already experienced it. All of you can experience it. It does not apply just to a partner. It applies to all aspects of life. For example, a job. If you observe yourself, you will see that many times you have not clarified in your mind what you actually want. And therefore, it seems like there is opposition to you getting it or you get something that is not what you actually wanted. But realize this: the moment you become clear in your mind what you want, you will experience that in a surprisingly short period of time, what you have decided you want will actually manifest in your life.
What does it take to reach that point of clarity? Well, it takes, first of all, the resolution of psychology overcoming these separate selves, but it also takes coming to the point where you are willing to make a decision: “What do I actually want in life? Do I want to continue to flow with circumstances or do I want to decide what I want?”
Going back to the topic for this conference of flowing with the River of Life, we can say you have a choice here. You can flow with circumstances or you can flow with the River of Life. But until you are clear and undivided in yourself, you cannot flow with the River of Life. Then you are going to be flowing with circumstances. Now, this does not mean that you can always formulate the exact vision that the River of Life is going to manifest because your vision may still be affected by some subconscious selves. But at least when you have clarity, when you are not divided, you can start flowing, and then you need to be flexible, realizing that perhaps you did not have the highest vision of where you are going to go in this life. You can be flexible along the way.
Copyright © 2023 Kim Michaels