Foundational teachings on marriage and divorce

TOPICS: Today, people need a rational understanding of God’s laws – people rebel against tradition without seeking deeper understanding – spiritual understanding of marriage – balance karma and resolve your psychology – why you chose your spouse – don’t break up marriage too early – feeling entitled – using your partner as an excuse for not growing – ego reasons for breaking up a marriage – all marriages require work – divorce in older times versus now – when spiritual purpose fulfilled, divorce is legitimate option – what to do before a divorce – higher potential for marriage – the lie that you haven’t found the right partner – never divorce to run away –

Question: Is monogamy suited to our society? It used to be common practice to obey the vows of marriage, but what if the spiritual communion between partners vanishes with time, or fails to establish itself – or even worse, one partner feels connected to his/her spouse, but the other one doesn’t?

Answer from ascended master Jesus through Kim Michaels:

As you say, it used to be more common to obey the vows of marriage. The fact that this is no longer so is seen by many Christians as a sign of the deteriorating morals of the time. However, there is more to the picture.

As I explain in one of my discourses, humankind is being raised to a higher level of consciousness. In the present age, people should ideally attain a more rational understanding of God’s laws, so that they can use those laws consciously and voluntarily align themselves with God’s purpose.

Unfortunately, as I explain throughout this website, orthodox Christianity did not live up to its highest potential, and therefore Christianity has not been able to give people a deeper understanding of God’s laws. Instead, Christianity became centered in a fear-based approach to life and attempted to defend the doctrines of the past instead of bringing down the higher understanding of the future.

As a result of this, you now have a situation where a growing number of people simply cannot be satisfied by blind faith. They cannot blindly follow God’s laws. Yet because they have never been given a true understanding of the path to Christhood, they often end up rebelling against church dogmas and rules without replacing them with the higher understanding that comes from walking the path of Christhood.

Many people have now fallen into a state of consciousness in which they have rejected the old rules, such as the vows of marriage, and think that anything goes. In other words, if it feels good, it could not possibly be wrong. This has caused many people, including many truly spiritual people who have the potential for manifesting Christhood, to become self-centered in the dualistic mind and the human ego rather than self-centered in the Christ self and the I AM Presence. Therefore, they see no spiritual purpose to marriage and often break up marriages from a lower motivation. So let me now attempt to give you a higher understanding of marriage and the value of the marriage vow.

As I explain throughout this website, life can be seen as a spiritual path that leads toward the Christ consciousness. When you accept this view of life, you realize that everything that happens to you is an opportunity for growth. Every situation you encounter, every choice you make, will either take you one step closer to Christ consciousness or one step further away from Christ consciousness.

In any situation, there are most likely two elements. One is that the situation gives you an opportunity to balance karma from the past and thereby become free of that burden of misqualified energy. The other element is that a situation gives you an opportunity to learn something about yourself and the blocks in your own psychology that prevent you from manifesting Christhood.

When you transfer this to marriage, you will see that a marriage is an incredible opportunity to balance karma with another person. Marriage is also a great opportunity for learning about your personal limitations, so that you can free your psychology from the blocks that stand between you and Christhood. If you are truly committed to spiritual growth, you will see that a marriage is not simply for pleasure or convenience. It is truly an opportunity to overcome your karmic and psychological limitations, so that you can take a major step forward toward personal Christhood.

I can assure you that there is hardly any marriage on earth in which people do not have karma with each other. In other words, you should assume that you have karma with your spouse, and therefore the marriage is an opportunity to balance that karma and win your freedom. I can also assure you that there is absolutely no marriage that does not give you an opportunity to have your psychological hang ups exposed, so that you can deal with them consciously and leave them behind for good.

In fact, I can assure you that most people choose their marriage partner before coming into embodiment. And most lifestreams make their choices based on which partner gives them the best opportunity to balance karma and work out the kinks in their psychology. In other words, the outer attraction to your marriage partner is simply a reflection of a deeper inner knowledge that you truly want to balance your karma with that person, and you truly want to learn the lessons you can learn from being married to that person.

When you apply this view of marriage, you realize that the last thing you want to do is to break up a marriage before you have fulfilled your spiritual purpose for starting that marriage. In other words, you don’t want to break up the marriage before you have balanced all karma with your spouse. And you don’t want to break up the marriage before you have learned all psychological lessons you could learn from that person. If you do, those problems will simply move with you into your next relationship.

When you have this deeper understanding of the spiritual implications of a marriage, you can see that many people break up a marriage before they have balanced the karma or learned their lessons. In fact, many people make more karma and solidify their psychological hang ups rather then resolving them.

This happens partly because people do not understand the spiritual side of the equation but also because they have become too anchored in the lower self and its egotistical needs and desires. This causes people to feel many negative feelings toward their partner. One of the most common is that a person feels that he or she is entitled to something from a partner. This is true because you are entitled to something from your partner, namely an opportunity to balance the karma and resolve your psychology. Yet that gift is present in every marriage—if only you are open to receiving it.

Unfortunately, what happens to many people is that they become centered in the lower desires of the human ego. Therefore, they begin to feel that they are entitled to some outer thing from their partner and when the partner does not deliver, they start to feel that they are being shortchanged. This then makes them feel that they are being treated unfairly, and instead of taking responsibility for their personal path, they begin blaming the partner. Obviously, the moment you start blaming someone else, your spiritual growth inevitably comes to a halt.

As I explain throughout this website, everything revolves around your free will. The only thing that can bring you one step higher on your personal path is that you take responsibility for your present situation and make the highest possible choice in that situation. As soon as you begin to blame your marriage partner for your lack of growth or fulfillment, you are refusing to take responsibility, and therefore you cannot make the choices that will help you grow.

You cannot make those choices because you have managed to get yourself into a state of consciousness in which you think it is the other person who needs to make certain choices. And as long as your partner will not change, you feel that you cannot change either. This of course is the ultimate lie of the human ego, and it is precisely the lie that your ego, as the enemy within, and the dark forces, as the enemy without, will use to trap you in your current state of mind and prevent you from taking that next step on your personal path.

What I am trying to explain here is that any marriage, no matter how unfulfilling it might seem from the perspective of the ego, offers your lifestream an opportunity for growth. If you have decided to marry a person, you should accept the fact that your lifestream had a very good spiritual reason for prompting your outer mind to make that decision.

You should assume that your lifestream truly wants to balance all karma with that person and learn particular lessons from the marriage. Therefore, until those inner, spiritual goals are fulfilled, you would actually harm your spiritual growth by breaking up the marriage. It is especially dangerous to break up a marriage because your human ego is disappointed over your partner’s perceived shortcomings. This will only anchor you more firmly in the grips of the ego and make it more difficult for you to grow. My point being that if you have taken a marriage vow, you should fulfill that vow by remaining committed to your spouse and diligently work to balance your karma and learn your lessons.

You ask what should happen when the spiritual communion between partners vanishes or was never there. As I said, there is always a spiritual purpose for a marriage. This does not necessarily mean that the partners feel spiritual communion or even mutual love and respect. The marriage can be very unfulfilling from an outer perspective, but there can still be the opportunity to balance karma and resolve psychology.

So you would do well to approach the marriage with the clear intention of fulfilling those two goals. This will make it far easier to endure any marriage and the inevitable disappointments that come with virtually any human relationship. It will also increase the likelihood that you and your spouse can gradually balance the karma and resolve your psychology. Thereby, you can actually begin to support each other and have greater spiritual communion. In other words, no marriage will work unless you make a sincere effort to make it work.

That being said, it is true that there can come a point when the marriage no longer fulfills a spiritual purpose. In that case, it can be beneficial to the spiritual growth of both partners to break up the marriage and move on. I realize this will shock many Christians who think back to my statements about divorce in the Bible. So let me explain this in greater detail.

First of all, any spiritual teaching is adapted to the consciousness of the people to whom it was given. When I appeared 2,000 years ago, many men would divorce their wives when they no longer found them young and attractive. They would then marry a younger wife to fulfill their sexual desires. Because of the social conditions existing at the time, it was virtually impossible for a woman to earn a living on her own. Therefore, many such women had no other option but to turn to prostitution, which was considered a sin and highly condemned by society.

This situation was a clear reflection of the abusive attitude toward women that many cultures have had for thousands of years. Many men considered women as a commodity that they could get rid of when they no longer served their purposes. As a part of my effort to restore the rightful role of women, as I explain elsewhere, I needed to make a very strong statement against divorce. This was done partly for the protection of women and partly to help men avoid making the karma of abusing women, thereby increasing the imbalance between the feminine and masculine aspect of their own nature and stopping their spiritual growth.

In today’s world you do have a situation where a woman can earn a living without a husband. You also have laws that protect the rights of a woman after a divorce, and you have more social services. Therefore, it is no longer correct to say that a divorce is against the laws of God or my commands. It is possible to have a lawful divorce when a marriage no longer fulfills its spiritual purpose. This is especially true when a marriage involves emotional or physical abuse. In that respect, destroying or hindering a person’s spiritual growth is the ultimate form of abuse.

However, I must caution people that most of the divorces that occur today are not lawful in a spiritual sense. Most people get a divorce because their egos make them feel disappointed in the marriage, as explained above. Therefore, to get a divorce is a serious decision that should only be made after long and careful consideration, and preferably it should come as an intuitive revelation from your Christ self.

I would highly recommend that anyone who considers having a divorce would first take steps to ensure that the spiritual purpose of the marriage is fulfilled. That would include applying the Violet Flame to consume all karma, and it should include doing everything possible to learn your lessons about your psychology. As part of this, you should consider doing various kinds of marriage counseling or therapy and make a sincere effort to make the marriage work. I would also caution people to do the 33-day vigil and seek attunement with your Christ self before you make any final decision.

Let me now comment on a passage from Matthew, Chapter 19:

3 ¶ The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?
4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made [them] at the beginning made them male and female,
5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?
6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

The key statement is that no man should put asunder what God has joined together. The inner meaning of that statement is that you should not allow your human ego and dualistic mind to cause you to divorce a spouse before the marriage has fulfilled the spiritual purpose defined by your lifestream. In other words, a higher authority (what I call God), meaning your lifestream in council with your spiritual teachers, brought you together with your spouse for a specific purpose. You should remain true to that purpose until it has been fulfilled. And you should not allow your lower mind and the desires of that lower mind (what I call man) to detract you from the spiritual purpose of the marriage.

Take note also that the man and wife can become one flesh. The true spiritual meaning of that statement is that man and wife have the potential to enter a higher state of union, an inner spiritual union. If the two partners will diligently work on resolving their karma and psychology, they can help each other attain balance between the masculine and feminine aspects of their beings. When that balance is attained on an individual level, the two partners can achieve a much higher degree of union than is possible otherwise. This then leads to a much higher sense of fulfillment and purpose in a marriage. This union between man and wife is a representative of the union between the lifestream and the spiritual self. It can indeed help both partners achieve that inner union, and therefore a marriage which lives up to its highest potential can be a great spiritual boost for both partners.

Let me make it clear that not every marriage can achieve that higher union. Yet I must also caution you that the majority of marriages do have this potential. In other words, it is very common for people to experience a disappointment in the early years of a marriage. This disappointment is due to the fact that each person is unwhole and expects that the partner should make them feel whole. When the feeling of wholeness is not there, it is so easy to fall for the lie of the ego that you simply have not found the right partner. And if only you found the right partner, you would immediately be in marital bliss.

This is simply a lie. You could be married to your twin flame, yet as long as there is karma and unresolved psychology, there can be no bliss. Most marriage partners have the potential to experience true wholeness. However, that wholeness can only be attained when each partner has individual wholeness, meaning that the person has resolved a certain amount of karma and psychology.

My point is that there are situations where you should end a marriage in order to advance the spiritual growth of both partners, or at least the partner who is interested in spiritual growth. Yet it would be extremely wise to make a sincere and wholehearted effort to make the marriage live up to its highest potential before you decide on a divorce. If you leave one partner before you have resolved your psychology, you are likely to attract another partner who will bring out that same unresolved psychology in yourself. Only it is likely that your second partner might do it in a more extreme manner than your first partner. So why not work it out with your first partner? Once you have worked out your psychology, it might be prudent to move on. Yet when you have worked out your psychology, your first marriage might indeed be so fulfilling that you see no reason to move on.

In other words, you should never have a divorce because your ego wants to run away from something that isn’t good enough. There really is no point in chasing the marital rainbow, because I can assure you that there is no pot of gold at the end of it. You should have a divorce only when you know, through a deep, inner knowing, that it is time to move on to something that is better in a true spiritual sense.


Copyright © 2004 by Kim Michaels