Foundational teachings on how to respond when others abuse you

TOPICS: In relationships look for opportunity to grow – the actual outcome of a situation less important than growth – true meaning of turning the other cheek – retaining your innocence – do not be passive – mother and father love – stopping the abuse – resolve your own karma or wounds – practical steps for dealing with abuse – give everyone an opportunity to grow, including yourself – seek non-attachment – when non-attached, the situation will often improve or you will move on – a stepping stone on your path – 

Question: Greetings, First thank you for this wonderful enlightening site. It is enhancing my spiritual awareness and spiritual growth. My question: I know it is my responsibility to forgive and pray for people who do harm to me, so is it spiritually acceptable to file charges against people who are discriminating and harassing one in the work place? 

Answer from ascended master Jesus through Kim Michaels:

An excellent question, which touches upon one of the central dilemmas of human existence and also gives me the opportunity to comment on a common misunderstanding of my call to turn the other cheek. Let me give you a teaching on how we of the ascended masters view such situations.

Let me first say that in any interaction between human beings, the concern of the ascended masters is always to give all parties involved the maximum opportunity for growth. We are not so much concerned about the specific outcome of a situation as we are concerned with the growth of all people involved with that situation. So with that in mind, let me comment on this situation and millions of similar situations that happen on a daily basis the world over. The essence of the situation is that one person is violating the Law of Love instead of doing unto others as he or she would have them do unto him or her. The question now becomes how the person who is at the receiving end of this action should respond to the situation.

Your first and foremost concern should be to avoid creating negative consequences for yourself. To achieve this goal, you need to follow my call to turn the other cheek. When you understand the true meaning of turning the other cheek, you see that it means that you respond to all situations with unconditional love. When you respond with this love, you can avoid falling into the trap of engaging in negative human feelings, such as the sense of being a victim, a feeling of fear, a feeling of anger or a desire for revenge. When you avert such feelings, the Prince of this world comes and has nothing in you. Therefore, you will not create negative consequences, meaning misqualified energy or karma, from the situation. You can actually go through the situation and maintain your purity and innocence without being stained by the actions of the other person. This prevents you from being dragged into a negative spiral that actually binds you to the person who is abusing you, instead of binding you to the Christ self within you.

That being said, it is essential to realize that turning the other cheek does not mean that you become a pacifist and passively allow other people to abuse you. This is a subtle point that has been misunderstood by many Christians, who do see the importance of responding to situations with love but who do not understand that divine love has two sides. As Mother Mary explains in her discourse, God has two aspects, namely the expanding force of the Father and the contracting force of the Mother.

When you turn the other cheek and avoid engaging in negative feelings, you are using the Mother aspect of divine love. This is the flame that empowers you to remain pure and nonattached in the face of any atrocity found in this world. Yet it is important for you to also use the more active flame of the divine Father. This is the flame that empowers you to take the appropriate action that will give both yourself and other people the best possible opportunity to grow from the situation.

When you understand the two aspects of divine love, you cannot allow the person who is abusing you to continue doing so, because you know that it will harm the person in the long run. So precisely out of unconditional love for the other person, you will spontaneously take action to stop the abuse. This is what you saw me do when I challenge the scribes , the Pharisees, the Sadducees, the temple priest and anyone else who promoted the fear-based approach to religion.

In your particular situation, I would recommend the following:

  • First look at yourself and make sure you are completely nonattached. If need be, use the Forgiveness Rosary to overcome all negative feelings towards the other person. Use Archangel Michael’s Rosary to protect yourself from any dark forces that might cause you to feel negative feelings or to feel as a victim.
  • When you are aware of the spiritual side of life, you have a unique opportunity to work on the situation by using the spiritual tools we give on the toolbox website. For example, I would recommend that you give Archangel Michael’s Rosary and specifically call for the binding of all dark spirits that are using the other person and getting that person to engage in unloving behavior. You should also call for the binding of the person’s anti-self that is preventing the person from seeing his or her behavior as wrong. You might also use Mother Mary’s invocations or the Violet Flame decrees to consume all karma you might have with that person. Let me give you a sense of co-measurement. If you feel any negative feelings towards the other person, then you either have certain blocks in your own psychology or you have karma with the other person from past lives. It would therefore be extremely prudent for you to resolve these blocks before you go any further.
  • When you have achieved non-attachment, gently but firmly make the other person aware that you consider his or her behavior unacceptable and that you would like it to stop. If the person responds positively and seems genuinely willing to stop the behavior, this might be enough. If the person does not seem genuine or responds negatively, calmly tell the person that you will alert the appropriate authorities in your company and if necessary file a suit for sexual harassment.
  • After you have talked to the person, go to the appropriate person in your company and make them aware of the situation without filing an official complaint. Simply give them the opportunity to grow by responding to the situation as they see fit. Make them aware that you have talked to the person and asked for the behavior to stop, and if it does stop, you have no desire to see further action. Yet give them the opportunity to take such action if the person harassing you has already done the same to others.
  • If the behavior does not stop, then go back to the authorities in your company and file an official complaint. Ask them to make sure that this behavior does not continue.
  • If the authorities of your company do nothing to stop the problematic behavior, then go back to them and say that unless the behavior is put to a stop, you will file a lawsuit.
  • If your company still does nothing to stop the behavior, then, and only then, go to the courts and file an official suit against the person harassing you and against the company that has done nothing to stop it.

You can adapt this gradual approach to most other situations. Yet be aware that in any situation that involves other people, you must always respect their free will. Therefore, you must do what is right to the best of your understanding, and then remain nonattached to the fruits of action. If people do not respond as you feel they should, do not engage in negative feelings. Instead, use the spiritual tools to call for their protection and enlightenment. If they do not change, call forth God’s judgment upon the situation.

If there is still no change, remain nonattached. In some cases, other people refuse all calls to change, but when you have taken appropriate action to give them the opportunity to change, you will come to a point where you have fulfilled your obligation to them. You might then feel like it is time to move on. When that happens, simply leave the situation behind you or leave behind all attachments to the situation or a specific outcome.

If you can remain nonattached, you will always grow from the situation, and if you grow, your experience of the situation will improve, even if the outer situation does not change. Yet when you change, you will often find that outer situations resolve themselves and you find you have risen to a higher level than before.

Can you see that by taking this gradual approach, you give all people involved the maximum opportunity to grow from the situation without falling into the trap of responding with anger or seeking revenge? First of all, you give yourself the opportunity to grow from the situation instead of allowing yourself to become a victim or seeking revenge. Whenever you feel attachments to a specific outcome of a situation, you know you have encountered one of the blocks to your personal Christhood. Therefore, use the opportunity to remove that block and take a giant leap toward being who you really are, instead of allowing the Prince of this world to define you through weak-minded people.

Let me say again that the key to personal Christhood is to respond to all situations with love. And the key to responding with love this to realize that love has two aspects. One is the Mother aspect that empowers you to turn the other cheek and remain nonattached. The other is the Father aspect that empowers you to take Christlike action, as opposed to the dualistic human action, to stop the situation and prevent it from escalating into a downward spiral for all involved.

I actually gave this teaching 2,000 years ago, but it was never fully recorded by the Gospel writers because they did not completely understand the teaching. And certain fragments that were recorded in the original scriptures were since distorted or edited out, so that Christians today have been given a one-sided view of my teachings on divine love. Therefore, so many Christians take a passive approach to life and believe they should turn the other cheek and allow an abusive situation to continue. On the other hand, many people respond to such situations with anger, instead of understanding that to truly turn the other cheek, you must be nonattached so that the Prince of this world has nothing in you.

I know that responding to all situations with love is a delicate balance and a great challenge for people who have grown up in today’s polarized world. Yet it is also a great opportunity for growth because it allows you to turn all situations into stepping stones on your path to personal Christhood.


Copyright © 2004 by Kim Michaels